The new Buns of Steel Exercise!!!!

Have I mentioned I love my husband? Well, I do. He has finally figured out that anything that happens to our little family or anything that has been said within earshot of me could end up right here! He came up with the title of this here little post. A few days ago he went through my email folders, the ones where I file my comments. He read a fewall of them, I don’t care, I don’t have anything to hide. A couple of comments speak of how funny I am. *blushing* And one of them said they couldn’t comment for laughing so hard. *Oooohhhh, blushing that much more, Thanks for the compliments!!* Since then he has made a big effort to point out how fucking hilarious I am. If I get on to him for something, I get, “Oh your fucking hilarious, ask your readers! They can’t even come up with words to say how fuckin’ funny you are!” Did you hear the sarcasm in his voice? Or is it just me? Apparently I am NOT hilarious when I am making fun of him! Anyway onto the new exercise….

My MIL had some rotten wood on the eaves of her house and my husband ,being handy and all, went over to replace it and fix the siding. This entailed quite a few trips up and down a 16 foot ladder. This resulted in a sore ass. His mistake, telling me! He gets up Sunday morning and complains that his ass is sore, I, of course, harassed him mercilessly all day. He made a point of saying, “I know this is going to end up on your blog!”  I replied, ” But of course, I only put the best on there.” So my fellow bloggers, climbing up and down a ladder is a great butt workout! It will make your ass sore to the point of not appreciating it when your loving partner pats your tail every time they come near! So yes, I did post it, just like he said I would.

I have been rather hard on my husband this weekend. I will admit it I had fun! As you might recall, Aunt Flo has been here for her visit. Well, I ran out of , what Little Miss calls, mommy things. I was really busy Saturday, explain in a minute, and I kept a running tally on how many I had left. My way of trying to get him to go and get them. His only remark was, “What did they use before mommy things? You will be using it because I won’t be going to get them.”  What can I say, I didn’t want to go either. The Boy? OH HELL NO!!! Hubby finally took me to the neighborhood Dollar General or Family Dollar, can’t remember which. I went in and wouldn’t you know it, the young man at check out went to school with The Boy. I knew his mother a long time ago. Well, I needed them and I did not want to go all the way into town, just to find out if I could find a more embarrassing person to check me out, so….. I go get my things, this is the only thing I need, I made my way to check out. Running across an ex boyfriend and 4 people I haven’t seen since high school, of course I am standing there with my personal item and needing a haircut, hell needing to brush my hair, in clothes covered in animal hair, (Thank You my darling pets!) and wishing I could crawl under the nearest rack of clothes without calling attention to myself. I finally get to the checkout line, wouldn’t you know it, he remembers me. Then he scans my item and ask, “  Do you need a bag for that?” UH, NAH! It is not bad enough that I have run across so many people I know and having him check me out, let me walk across the parking lot there at the busy 4 way stop, carrying my box of Tampax Tampons! They are not discreetly packaged and guess what, their little bag, NO help!!! You can see right through it. I know every woman has this same curse every month, every woman has to purchase these damn things, but everyone doesn’t have to know that I need them right now or what size I must buy!

Why is it when you look like death warmed over, you run across a hundred people you haven’t seen since you were the cool girl in school? Every time I run in to the Pig for something I have to have for supper, I run in to somebody. I always look like hell. I don’t bother to brush my hair (I did it just this morning, why do it again.), I don’t change out of my ratty sweatpants and stained t-shirt (why? It’s the Pig.), I look like hell, but this is where I will see the high flutin’ mom of someone Little Miss goes to school with, of course, she will be just coming in from work, dress pants, nice silk shirt and high heels. And she will have to point out how awful she looks, she is on her way home from work. I have no excuse! Or I will see the girl or guy from high school that always made you fell like you looked like a pile of shit and guess what? This time I do!!!!!! Or the guy you died to go out with! Really show him what he missed! When I look nice and pulled together….I could wonder the aisles for hours and never see anyone!!! So if you want to see someone, look like death warmed over and buy personal items!

I felt pretty good on Saturday so I took advantage of the nice weather. I cleaned out the inside of my car! I even vacuumed! The inches of dust on the dash, Gone! The bottles of Mt. Dew in the floorboard, Gone! The cigarette packs, Gone! The food dropped in the floor, Gone! The dog shit, Gone! I even shamed my husband into helping me wash the outside! It looked so much better. This morning, I was excited to take my clean car through the line and drop off Little Miss and not just because she has had an attitude all weekend. We got in and the smell was BAD!!!! We both checked our feet, no dog doo. It smelled like dead animal!!!!! I must have had a family of rats living off the shit in my car and after I cleaned it, they died of starvation! And it is suppose to rain today so I can’t leave the windows down!

I helped Hubby clean up next door too. When they moved our old trailer out, they left a huge mess. Concrete blocks, insulation, wires, you name it it was left. And we had threw out some urine soaked furniture (compliments of Easy E’s cats) out and it was all left laying. That damn burn ban and our laziness. We burned the furniture and the old deck and the other things that could be burned and picked up the blocks and nonburnable and hauled it to the soon to be buried junk pile. See, I felt good Saturday. Not so good Saturday night! I just accomplished so much!

Sunday, I learned a couple of things…. BBQ does not agree with the puppy’s tummy. Gives her gas! BAD gas! We all discovered this when Little Miss decided she wanted to take Daisy with us to clean the office. Three of us trapped in a small pickup with a dog with awful gas! She did not apologize. She would get in the floor board and then back up in the seat. The smell, it followed her!!!! She showed no shame. Misty, she gives you that I am old, please forgive me look. Bella, gives you that it just slipped out, sorry look. Daisy, nothing. She managed to sit in all of our laps for the ride home, you know which end I got, yes the smelly end! I love that little fart blowing dog, but come on.

I should go, I have to reschedule hubby’s doctor’s appointment, money ran out before I remembered he had one. And I must get to washing, otherwise we will be running around naked and none of us wants that! Ask The Boy, I have a t-shirt that I USED to sleep in, I was unaware that it showed nipple through it, someone should have told me. Had I known I would not have worn it when he had company over!!!! So see NO ONE wants us running around here naked. And I think there is some sort of crazy rule at the school that says you must wear clothes, GAH, you just can’t do anything at that school. And I must get the layer of animal hair off the carpet and the layer of dust, I guess I should really clean! So As Always…..

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!

This is a HOOT!

Yesterday, I was looking around my Word Press site. I have a spam filter, never knew that. I checked that out. You know what kinda spam could my little site get? A lot of spam. In there I found pings….I have heard of them. I know that is how I get some traffic. You know I mention you and you come and see if I am saying nasty things about you! I appreciate your visits and comments. And if I mention your site by name, I really doubt it would be to be ugly! If I was to do that, I fear you might track me down! Anyway, got me to wondering, what are my pings? I laughed my ass off! Here are some of my pings……

Celebimplants.com…… the snippet? justmylife releases another great post on The story of how we grewâ […] 

Huh? My girls must be writing post on their own! That is the only way this would make any sense! The post is about the deliveries of my children. Yes, the girls grew for each of my pregnancies, not by way of implants and not celebs. You know if some poor soul wondered upon this little ad site and clicked on the link…..They were no doubt disappointed!

Another one…

music.games-news-now.info…… the snippet…..[…] Justmylife-mygripespot’s Weblog wrote an interesting post today on You just have to love husbands……Here’s a quick excerptI told her she had gotten to high flutin’ for us here country folk *I believe there was some nose rubbing, butt picking and possibly a little b … anjo music going on too* So the more irritated she got, the worse the use of words got…. […]

What is this one for? Downloading MP3 music. You must be kidding. OK, banjo music is mentioned. Ok another soul to disappoint! Won’t be learning about downloading music.

OK, this one I LOVED!!!!! dogfood.stakeo.com

[…] ashleyduval’s journal wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptHubby said it was a testament to good food. … He said uh oh, I think I have another one, the dog whined!!!!!… […]

First, who the hell is ashleyduval and why are my words in her journal? Second, my husband’s farts stank to high heaven, but I never said he was eating dog food! How the hell?

And last but not least, and I almost understand this one…..Katie Holmes Celebrity News……

[…] More on this story here […]

OK, It’s Raining Again…..does mention Katie Holmes, I think, let me check….. Yes, see…..”Katie Holmes, Victoria Beckham, and Ashley Olsen are carrying a Hermes Birkin that cost, hold on to your hats, $7500. WHY?” I almost understand that one.

Come on people get a better filter for your ad sites!!!! Yesterday I was pinged at political ad sites. Pisses me off……all were tied to OBAMA!! Every snippet was a snippet from the Obama part! Not Hillary, she was the first I spoke of, not McCain, he was the last I spoke of! NO, every fucking one was tied to him. Just a hint, don’t care for him……. It was all the nice part, his promises. Damn, I must watch what I say!!!! I guess if I don’t want to be tied to someone I must put, “asshole, fuck wad, turd eater…..” something that shows the true me. On an up note….. Word Press showed yesterday, as my most popular day to date! Of course it was tagged with politics, guess those people were disappointed! Just checked Blogspot also had it’s best day! I disappointed many people!!!!

Yes, I did a political sort of post, I was in a pissy mood. Did I enlighten people? God I hope not! Did I add to anyone’s knowledge of the candidates? Oh, Lord no. I rambled on about a few things I heard, it’s what I do.

Different subject…… On April 2nd, I go and get that needle stuck in my disk. I have mentioned before that on a whim I filled out to get my horoscope sent to me weekly. I also mentioned I don’t pay them much mind, I check them when I have something going on and just curious about what they say. I got my horoscope in my box today. This is the first paragraph for April 2nd…..   

“One mix-up after another could keep your head whirling today. Be sure and take a break if you’re feeling confused. Enlisting the aid of an organized thinker can help you sort things out.”

  Scary, huh? I’m not laughing!!! Shit, I don’t want mix-ups when someone is sticking a needle in my back. I don’t want my head whirling! I am glad I don’t put much stock in these things! Otherwise, I would be changing that appointment! heh!

And last but worth the wait. No one mentioned Little Miss had her picture posted!!!! Never before, but I put her face right out there and NO ONE mentions her. *pout, sniffle, pout* That really wasn’t what I was saving for last, this is….

Little Miss got a boo boo yesterday at school….

Not too bad, she has had way worse!!! But she wasn’t so sure. I had to get a picture and email it out to the grandparents and her older brother. She was dying! She walked around stiff legged all evening. I told her it wasn’t real bad, she has had a whole lot worse! She insisted it was the worst boo boo ever. You be the judge…….

                                                        4 wheeler wreck, flipped that sucker over!

                                                       Again 4 wheeler, she landed under her brother!

                                                 Never did figure out how she got the  front and back!
                Sorry it is blurry, it is hard to take good pictures while you cringe! Yellow spot, torn flesh! 

Oh, this is from the treadmill accident! NEVER, crawl on a moving treadmill, if you slip, your hand will go under the rolling mat and this will happen to you! For the record(!), she was at my mom’s, I was there, treadmill was in the bedroom, mom wasn’t watching her either!!!!! I managed to DRIVE home and get my hubby, before, I lost it! We took her to the ER, shouldn’t have wasted my time! They poured IV fluid over it, took one X-ray, and some neosporin and a bandage job that Little Miss could have done better at. Sent her home, said keep it clean, keep it covered unless she was inside and not playing. I was picking black treadmill mat out of it for a week! They really didn’t clean it.

So what do you say? Which one is worst? Yesterday’s boo boo or one of the other ones!?! As Always…..HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!

Hillary, Obama, and McCain……

Well, Auntie Flo started her monthly visit yesterday, She showed up bringing doubling over cramps, worse back pain, bloating (to the point of 9 months pregnant), a BAD attitude and bleeding like a stuck pig. Bad enough? I’ve got more. Sinus problems! Which apparently drained ALL night, so I also have doubling over cramps from the tore up stomach I now have! Bad enough now? Just wait, I have more. The last THREE mornings we have gotten up to dog shit on the porch, not our dogs, but a roaming dog (or dogs). This morning, Little Miss went to get in the car and stepped in a HUGE pile of soft, not runny, dog shit. Did she know it? Not until she got in the car and got it in the seat and all in the floorboard! I cleaned it up the best I could, we were running late, see above^, but we rode 6-7 miles ( I made a round trip so double that for me!) with the smell of dog shit floating in the air! Too chilly to ride with the windows down, so….. Needless to say I AM in a PISSY mood and I thought….. What a better day to post about the candidates we have running for President!

*DISCLAIMER……..OK, I admit to not being the most informed voter! I will talk of things I have seen in the news (not much since I rarely watch the news anymore), seen in the newspaper (again not much, the paper from 2 days ago is still sitting on the table waiting to be read), read in gossip mags (mostly what stars are supporting what candidate), and what I have heard via email or Internet. I will also throw in my own personal views (Go figure, me with a personal view! Yes, Sarcasm’s is a view!)*

If you have chosen a candidate, Good for you! You are, I am sure, an informed person or you have chosen the woman, black man (Is that politically correct? I don’t know anymore.) or the one who isn’t black or a woman. You know the old guy. Here, I am poorly undecided, none seem to be qualified to me. I am leaning toward one, the one I feel is the lessor of three evils. I won’t say who, you don’t care, and that is kinda a personal question. I don’t share personal info, unless you include Aunt Flo, diarrhea and such as personal info. In that case, I don’t want to get slammed for my choice. And it would be interesting to see if you can figure it out. So I will take each candidate, in NO particular order.

Hillary Clinton…… The ex-president’s wife. Does that make her qualified? She lived in the White House, many people do, cooks, maids, Secret Service. you get the picture. Her husband was president. No, still not seeing it. She is a Senator, so are the others, so that can’t count. She has the support (as of the Feb. 25 th, US magazine) of Madonna, Glenn Close, Martha Stewart, Donald and Ivanka Trump, America Ferrera, Perez Hilton, 50 Cent,Barbara Streisand, Cher, Danny DeVito, Ted Danson, and Rosie O’Donnell. Does this really sway me one way or the other? Hell, NO!  What is she promising? A $70 billion economic plan (including grants to states and directly to individuals) universal health care and to begin withdrawing troops within 60 days of taking office.

$70 billion dollars? I bet I would never see a dime of it. The states would waste it. Businesses, I am sure would get it. Not the small businesses, but the bigger ones. No one who actually needs it would see it.

Universal health care? She can’t do it by herself and the she can’t pass it through 2 floors. Congress wouldn’t allow it. She tried to get it when Bill was in office, it didn’t work.

Troop withdrawal started in 60 days? We can only hope. It is time that Iraq starts defending itself. We went in and got Saddam out, that was the mission, mission accomplished. I know they still need our help. We have been there 5 years, enough already. What did Bush say, “This won’t be another Vietnam. We will not stay there, we should be able to get our boys home in 6 months or so.” Not an exact quote, I don’t have the transcript handy, but it was something to that effect. What the hell happened?

OK, for the ones who say Bill is a cheating bubba. I happen to like Bubbas! And so what if Bill got his cigar off, did he do any good in office? Yes. Did he do any bad in office? Yes. People screw up, I do it everyday. According to polls, JFK was one of the most loved presidents. And rumor has it he chased more skirts than dogs chase cars. I don’t know, I wasn’t there.

OK, the whole she misspoke thing. Can you honestly say, you have never made a story sound worse? How many times have you heard, “I walked 20 miles uphill, both ways, in the snow, to get to school!” I have heard, this one, to much. Maybe, she meant to say, “I was told there may be sniper fire.” Or, maybe she meant to say, “There was sniper fire in the mountains to our *pick a direction*.” Maybe she just wanted to sound brave for visiting the area. Maybe she just lied. I don’t know, again I wasn’t there.

And I can’t leave out the whole hormonal woman thing. I am a hormonal woman, I have yet to start a war! I sometimes wish I had a button to push and just blow up the house, I think I would think better of it before I actually did it. I think. hehe! Hey, Bush started a war, is he hormonal?

Will she help the economy? Beats the hell out of me, she claims she can. Will she do anything? I don’t know, she claims she will. Qualified? Hell, I don’t know that either.

Barack Obama….. Who is supporting him? Harry Connick Jr., Ellen Pompeo, Chris Rock, Jessica Biel, Ryan Reynolds, Eddie Murphy, Ben Affleck, Tyra Banks, Scarlett Johansson, Matt Damon, Tom Hanks, George Clooney, Halle Berry, Hulk Hogan, Sharon Stone and Will Smith. Does this make me decide, “I must vote for him.” NO!!! Do I care who in Hollywood is supporting him? NO. *But George likes him.* *I like George, I would vote for George and watch every time he came on TV! *

What is Obama promising? He proposes $80 billion in tax cuts to jump start the economy, lowering the cost of health care via employer contributions and a total withdrawal of US troops from Iraq within 16 months.

$80 billion? Just another 10 billion I bet I wouldn’t see. I feel like it would be for the corporations and the upper and upper middle class. I would say I am just a hair above poverty level, (have you seen how much you can make and still be considered in the class of poverty?) but I really ain’t sure.

Lowering health care? Good idea, IF you can get the employers to kick in more money! The big companies, could afford it, but wouldn’t do it. The smaller businesses, would do it, but couldn’t afford it.

And total troop withdrawal? Again we could only hope. But I keep hearing if we pull the troops out to quick, the terrorist are going to see it as weakness and attack us on our own soil again! They are attacking our people in Iraq, I guess they see that as better. You know it’s not on our own soil! Do I want another terrorist attack? NO! Do we have Homeland Security, FBI, CIA and such? Let them do their job!

Alrighty, the whole he is a Muslim thing….. He says he is a christian, do I have reason to not believe him? I don’t know. If you are running for president, the last thing you want to be is Muslim. There are many people who may not have a problem with the religion as a whole, but have a major problem with the members who think the US is a bunch of Infidels. He says he attends church services. I hear an all black church, don’t know, never attended his church. (I know that if  Hillary attended an all white church, she would be considered racist and the press would be all over it. Of course she might and it just ain’t got out yet.)

His preacher….. OK I watched the video, it was bad. I will just say the man is OUTSPOKEN! But if this is what Obama has been preached every Sunday, you have to wonder if it is the way he believes.

His hand over his heart……. Saw the picture, was it photo shopped or was he just slow on the draw? Don’t know. Haven’t heard him defend it. I may have just missed that one.

I got an email……..

Remember–
God is good, and is in time, on time–  every time.

According to The Book of Revelation on the anti-Christ:

The anti-Christ will be a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent, who will deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal….

the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, will destroy everything.

Is it OBAMA??

I  STRONGLY URGE  each one of you to repost this as many times as you can!  Each opportunity that you have to send it to a friend or media outlet…  do it!   If you think I am crazy..  I’m sorry but I refuse to take a chance on the “unknown” candidate.Especially with all his so called ‘Christian’ ties, who’s church pledges total allegiance to Africa, and also with his strong Muslim ties, and terrorists.

Is it completely true? Don’t know. Did his church pledge total allegiance to Africa? I haven’t researched it, so I don’t know. Terrorist ties, I kinda doubt it, who would admit to terrorist ties? The anti Christ? That may be a bit strong.

Also got this one. I had to read it twice to catch it.

An actual quote said many times recently :

 ’My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world.

 I hope you’ll join with me as we try to change it.’
  — Barack Obama

Change the greatest nation in history? WHY? Talk about misspoke!

Did all of that sway me? Not really, did make me think. The first email I felt was really out there, a little Chicken Little for me, but hey, it’s circulating and it is worth mentioning, if for no other reason to show how strongly people feel.

Will he do anything for the economy? According to him, yes. Will he do anything good if he gets in office? Who the
knows. Qualified? Beats me.

John McCain…….. Who supports him in Hollywood? Arnold Schwarzenegger, Angie Harmon, Sylvester Stallone, Tom Selleck. He don’t need many, he is the only republican in the race. Oh and Bush supports him, Nancy Reagan too. Who would have thought that republicans would support the only republican in the race.

His Politics? In favor of corporate and middle class tax cuts, eliminating the Internet tax and increasing US troop presence in Iraq.

Tax cuts? Of course, cut the tax for those who don’t need it!

Internet tax? Is that on my phone bill? What is it like 3 bucks? Gonna help a lot of people! I can see it, Economy saved Internet tax stopped!

Increase troops in Iraq? You must be kidding, people screaming get them out and he wants to send more.

OK, you don’t hear a lot about him, who is going to knock him until it is one on one (if it ever gets to one on one)?

He was a prisoner of war. OK, that doesn’t really qualify him in my mind. You would think he would be the one pulling troops out. Is he looking for the pity vote? Don’t know. Yes, it was bad, perhaps he still has nightmares, Vote for him just because he was a prisoner of war? No, don’t think so.

He backs Bush….. He is like Bush’s little yapping Chihuahua. He did distance himself from Bush for a while. When he had someone running against him. Bush’s popularity was and is the pits, I would distance myself too. “I won’t just continue what Bush started. I am my own man! I have my own ideas!” But once, he was all on his on…..He ran straight to Bush and got his support and again he was all over following Bush’s lead! Does he think this is a good thing? Yes, Bush got elected twice, but since he has been in office….well, let’s just say I have heard, “Yeah, I voted for him. Yes, I am sorry!”

So getting Bush’s support….. And really who else was Bush gonna support? “Why, yes, I am a republican, but I suck so…I think I will support *insert democrat name here*” No, don’t see Bush saying that.

So there you have it, my take on the presidential candidates. Am I democrat or republican? I would say I lean Democrat, but I vote for the person not the party. I know, sooo wrong on soooo many fronts. But I say why vote for a shitty person just because he or she is with the right party. Why do I care? For this reason……

OK, its an old picture, like 2 years old. Sue me I love her girlie look! Beauty Walk, I had a girl for a night!

OK, this self-portrait is more recent and really shows her attitude.

So now see why I care? I have a beautiful young lady to worry about. I want her to grow up and be proud of the country she lives in. In case you would like to know….. She is totally for the girl!!!! Girl Power!!!!!!

So now that I have pissed a few people off, let me have it. Give me reasons to vote for your candidate! Guess who I am leaning towards! Tell me where I was wrong! Tell me where I misspoke! Come on I can take it.  Yes, my state already voted, we have November coming up. Yes I know that it is only suppose to be one Democrat on the ballot, I keep hearing that it may come down to having to list two. So go to comments and let me know where you stand. As Always……

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!

Random Chit!

Previously here on Justmylife I posted this http://justmylife-mygripespot.blogspot.com/2007/10/wanna-ask-you-to-do-something-for-me.html , this http://justmylife-mygripespot.blogspot.com/2007/10/quick-update.html , and this http://justmylife-mygripespot.blogspot.com/2008/01/must-see-video.html . I have received quite a few emails requesting updates on this young man. He is doing pretty good. I won’t talk of the rat bastards that are over his insurance claims. There is much discussion with the rat bastards insurance company about whether they should pay for in patient therapy. The doctors say he needs it, the rat bastards insurance company isn’t sure they want to pay for it. I will post the latest update from his family….

Skylar is over the virus. He was feeling better by Sunday and we were all able to get together at Kenneth’s shop and have lunch. There was a lot of pictures and videos made and I’m sure some of them will get posted. Skylar was actually able to eat some snow crab legs that he had been wanting. Warmer weather would be nice, when it is cold his neck and shoulders bother him worse. Besides the pain, he seems to be doing good. We are waiting to hear from the insurance about his physical therapy, hopefully we will hear something in a few days. Thank you and please continue to remember Skylar in your prayers.

He has a wonderful family. They have really rallied around him and supported him both monetarily and spiritually. His uncle is the wonderful man building my parent’s house. There have been a few videos posted of him and here are the links….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymYFFN-kDsw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S36eFMev7A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKLgZHwxpUs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyP9JVXd8wM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63Iq9QdLYkA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VM-gwuarRmc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wipZ_vlRWHU

Most of these videos are short, a minute or less but a couple may be longer. They are really worth the time. One shows what a difference a day can make. I believe it is the last one that shows his silly side before the accident.

Puppy update….. I was so excited and so ready to post of her wonderful success story at housebreaking! Then she had a couple of very bad days. Three accidents in the kitchen within an hour, a wet on my carpet at the bedroom door and a shit in my closet the next day. But yesterday, she came to the bedroom to find me and whined, when I asked her what she needed, she run to the door and sat down. She went out and did her business and came and knocked on the door to come in. Yes, my dogs “knock” on the door to be let back in. Actually they leap at the door and damn near break the window on the storm door, but I know they want in.

The Boy is home sick. I think he wanted a day off work. heh! No I think it is his wisdom teeth coming in. He has a headache, toothache, earache and feels miserable. He is laying in bed watching videos right now. He has the baby with him, I swear I have no clue why she is so nice to him, he runs off and leaves her and he don’t feed her. OK, he feeds her off his plate, so I guess that’s why. Tonight is the final class for him. Friday it is off to the probation officer and hopefully it will be over!

One question and I will leave for the day….. Why is my house the dumping zone for all things not wanted? My SIL brought over strawberries last night, I don’t have a problem with that, Little Miss loves strawberries. My MIL will bring over food that is no longer good. Yesterday she brought a pineapple upside down cake and cupcakes from Easter. Both she said were old and if we didn’t want it to throw it out. She will bring over ham from a dinner that has been sitting on the table for a week and say something like, ” I know how much you liked it and I thought you could make sandwiches out of it.” Yeah, a week ago, before it went bad! She is forever bringing stuff over here and saying if you don’t want it throw it away, I just can’t feed the devil like that.  Granny used to tell her if you threw food in the garbage, you were feeding the devil. I say feed it to her dog! Not mine, they come home and puke in the house and I don’t want to clean that up. And she brings crafty things over, construction paper, tissue paper, old wrapping paper. I hate when she cleans out her closets. If she don’t want it, it comes here. Like I don’t have enough shit stashed away with out her stuff.

I am going to go and see if my Bloglines is full of new post. I hope so, I love reading about others thoughts. Better post tomorrow, I hope! As Always…..

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!

Just a few short rumblings….

I have a few important questions I must ask…..

Why is my husband treating me like I have the plague? I mean, yes, I told him yesterday I was a little queasy, which went into a little sore throat, which went into being a little achy, which for some reason started a bit of an earache. But come on! I mentioned this in passing and he doesn’t pay attention. I went to lay with him last night and he told me that was alright, go watch TV. When Little Miss was sick, he was all like, “Come sit with Daddy. What can Momma get for my little girl? You want to sleep with Daddy? Momma can sleep on the couch.” What are adult germs more lethal than kid germs? I am not jealous, but please, a little sympathy. Nothing much, perhaps a little affection.

Could somebody please tell my animals, that in Alabama we may still get more cold weather and they might want to keep some of their hair on their bodies!?! The lint trap in my dryer looks like it gave birth to some sort of weird little creature!

Will my dogs get done “fighting” before they break everything in my house? Neither one can afford many more blows to the head. Damn, the coffee table again!

Why do schools insist on doing these little “fun” projects to get ready for testing? They are having the SAT and ARMT test the next couple of weeks and decided to get the kids “fired” up with a few fun days. “Hats off for high scores” – make and wear a hilarious hat.( Now we have to buy a damn hat and decorate it) “Read all about it”- wear school colors or class t shirts, I don’t get the connection here. “Don’t Flop on the SAT’s, Flip for Fab Scores.” – wear rolled up blue jeans and flip flops. (now I have to go get her flip flops before summer) “Let’s TEAM Together and defeat SAT’s” – wear favorite team color. ( Great now I have to find out her favorite team of the moment and go buy her a shirt) I am sure that someone thought this was a great idea. It would be if it weren’t going to cost me a small fortune.

And speaking of testing…..The teachers want the parents to take turns providing breakfast for the classes for the next two weeks! You know, peanut butter crackers, cheese crackers, muffins, sausage biscuits, juice boxes. Each class has about 20 kids.
Another expense. I chose drink boxes, easy and quick. I am not fixing 20 sausages and biscuits in the morning.

Why did I just get a DIRTY dish out of my cabinet? And how many more are there? Seriously, I grabbed a plate and it had honey on it. I know I washed it, well, I put it in the dishwasher and turned it on. Why did I not notice it was still dirty when I unloaded the dishwasher? I know I unloaded the dishwasher, because my husband suffers from Male Pattern Blindness ( Thanks Playgroupie for this new phrase.. check out the post and come back, I will wait… http://playgroupsarenoplaceforchildren.com/2008/03/24/male-pattern-blindness/ *hum hum hum* OK, so see I know I unloaded the dishwasher.

Last night my husband went to Hel-Mart and he found Shrimp Egg Rolls!!! Read this post, somewhere near the end and you will understand my excitement, OK not exactly. ( I just reread it, I just complain I can’t find them anymore, but cute post anyway.) http://justmylife-mygripespot.blogspot.com/2007/11/im-baaaack.html And another good ranting post I found while trying to find the other one, read this one. I am in good form for it. I must have been in one hell of a mood!!!
http://justmylife-mygripespot.blogspot.com/2007/11/toy-recalls-national-debt-and-more.html

Why does the cat get himself closed up in a room, then scratch begging to get out, only to scratch wanting back in the room in mere seconds? He will be the death of me.

Speaking of cats… I fed him last night, OK, he drove me up the wall meowing at me and I threw food toward his bowl in an effort to get him to shut up, happy now? Anyway, the food in the bag was covered with mold!!!!! This would explain why he kept screaming at me even after I fed him. The bag had been on the table, it didn’t get wet here, Hel-Mart must have sold it that way. No receipt, so they informed hubby, they couldn’t see how long we may have been holding on to it. I wish I had gone, they would be bailing me out of jail about now! I often hold on to food for the animals until it molds, then I carry it back and get another bag of the shitty ass food. This could explain why my cat has puked everywhere. And why his dookie has been runny. The last sentence should be cute to those of you who read yesterday’s post. That was for my niece. Anyways, there are a few random gripes I had to get out of my system…..

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!

The story of how we grew…..

I am fairly certain I have posted about how all of my kids made their entrance into this world. But it was a long time ago and if you read it, wonderful, here it is again…Blame Lotus!

All of my pregnancies and deliveries have been different, much like my children. My post will be no where near as hilarious or emotional as Lotus’ (see here. http://sarcasticmom.com/?p=296 ) but I will try to make it painless.

I was very young,15, when I got pregnant the first time. I suffered with morning sickness for three months. I would get up, eat, shower, puke, sleep, get up eat, puke, sleep, you get the picture. I skipped school with hubby-to-be, we missed 48 days before the school called to find out if I had died. Incredibly my parents didn’t kill me when they found out I was pregnant.

My first was born in January, 1986, I had been in light labor since Christmas, I did not know this. I was 16 and stupid. I woke up at 2am on January 2nd and was having massive cramps. Having had a HUGE dinner the day before, I decided the food wanted out! So I waddle to the bathroom and commenced to try to go. The cramps kept getting worse, nothing was coming out. (Little did I know that I did NOT want the cause of the cramps to come out in the commode.) The pain, it went away. I thought gas, great that’s just what I need. Then the pain came back, went away, came back….a light bulb went off in my head. Labor? I was due on Dec. 28th. I got my mom up, asked her, she couldn’t remember how labor started, it had been 16 years after all. She decided to time my “cramps”, 3 minutes apart. We are an hour away from the hospital, the doctor said come when the contractions are 7 minutes apart. I am thinking, “Shit, I am screwed.” Mom calls the doctor, nice guy, older guy. (The only one I ever saw at my appointments, he had a partner, when I was scheduled to see him, he was always delivering a baby.) He said to bring me right in. I called my wonderful husband to be. He tells me he will be right there, he lives MAYBE 10 minutes away. I am OK with waiting 10 minutes. He shows up 25 minutes later! I am on the verge of a stroke and these damn cramps are quickly getting on my nerves and he took the time to wash his hair and shower. I didn’t, but I guess he wants to look his best. OK finally out the door, but wait, my dad, wonderful man he is, forgot to get gas for the car and the last thing he wants to do is run out of gas. So we stop at the gas station, It doesn’t take long to get gas right? Wrong, my father is telling everyone they are taking me to the hospital to have my youngin’. Add another 30 minutes to my misery! I had decided I was meant to be one of those women whose birth story started with….” And there we were in the car and the baby was crowning and I had no choice…”

We FINALLY made it to the hospital. It was 7am. I was admitted, no nurse wanted me! They saw a young girl who was probably spoiled rotten and would give them a fit. One brave women happened to know my Grandma and said, “Irene wouldn’t have a spoiled grandchild, she would just smack the shit out of them, I will take her.” My contractions were now at 7 minutes apart. (I had been in early, early labor. The real pain hadn’t even started! I thought this was gonna be a breeze. Wrong, again!) I was scheduled to get an epidural, I had to wait until the time was just right….when the pain was so bad that I wouldn’t know that some dude was sticking a long ass needle into my spine. I waited, I tried to be good. I would mention to my wonderful husband to be, I was hurting, he would go to the door and tell anyone who was near, I was hurting and could they please get me something for pain. I trained him well. The doctor ( the partner I had never seen, go figure) and nurses assured me that it would be a long day and night. They didn’t expect my bundle of joy before sometime the next day. They gave me my epidural, wonderful, wonderful epidural! Did I mention, I loved the guy who stuck the big needle in my spine, after he was done and I was feeling nothing from my ribs down? Well, I loved him, I told him so. I offered to marry him, hubby, not real happy that I was offering to marry this old dude. But I was out of pain, so I think he would have married him too. I got my epidural at 10am. At 10:15, the nurse said, it was time to push. HUH? What happened to having him tomorrow? I was going to take a nap. The nurse told me to push on the next contraction, I had not felt a contraction since I got my epidural. I sat there, waiting, the nurse said PUSH!!! I think I pushed like 10 times…. At 11am, Easy E, 6 pounds,11 ounces, let out his first cry. A small cry. A beautiful cry. I cried, the old man, he cried, my husband, he cried. We were all a bunch of crying idiots, even the nurses who wanted none of me, they teared up. I think they were just glad my hubby wouldn’t be yelling for pain medicine anymore. He slept, he was in the nursery, I slept. I was never asked if I wanted to breast feed, they just gave me a bottle for him, I didn’t care, I had my baby boy. Hubby walked on cloud nine for months, he was so proud of his boy. I guess it was a good thing I didn’t breast feed, he would have starved to death, I wore like a 32AA bra at the time.

My next pregnancy, I was married for that one. I had one day of morning sickness, Thanksgiving Day! All of the wonderful, delicious food was making me nauseous. I had had an accident and slammed my head in to the dash and thought that was why I was so sick. I didn’t know I was pregnant for 2 more weeks. Every thing went fairly smooth, until I went in to premature labor. I was on bed rest for 3 months! I thought I would like being waited on hand and foot. I did for 2 days maybe, after that I was tired of laying around. I went to the hospital 4 times, each time they would increase my medicine and send me home. On July 4th, 1989, the doctor said go home, keep taking your medicine (same strength), stay in the bed and if the contractions get stronger come back and we will have this baby. I went home, threw away the medicine and walked every second I could. He was due on the 23rd. I was  finally able to call my husband to come home from work early so we could have this baby on the 24th! The little shit couldn’t wait to get here until the doctor’s said he could. I guess he showed us, we wouldn’t let him get here when he wanted to so he would take his sweet ass time showing up. Hubby got home a 1pm, he took a nap, my dad video taped me, I was getting pissed!!! Why would anyone think it was a good idea to put a camera in the face of a raving lunatic? I was ready to get this child out and hubby was napping and Dad was just getting on my nerves. My mom was the only sane person in the house, she told daddy, no jury would hold me responsible for anything I did while I was in labor. He got the picture. We got to the hospital at 3pm. The nurses again assured me I had a while to go! My parents, my grandparents all went to eat dinner. I had decided not to do the epidural this time, I had experienced a lot of back problems at the sight of my last one. I changed my mind at 4:45, I offered to pay for it, just hand me my check book. The nurses hated me, I decided, otherwise they would call the man with the needle and get me some relief! Their flimsy excuse for not making the call, they didn’t have time! The Boy, 6 pounds, 13 ounces, wailed for the first time at 5pm! I guess they didn’t have time. He was loud, he was healthy. I was happy, Hubby was walking on cloud nine again. You would think he had something to do with it. heh. He too was in the nursery, again I was just handed a bottle. Again, I didn’t care, I had another boy and I was just happy to get my life back to normal. Little did I know what the next 18 years would hold.

The third time around, well, I thought I had the stomach flu for a month. I went out on the road with hubby, we made a lot of rest stops. We weren’t sleepy so we had to do something. Happy Jack’s my ass! For three months I puked at the smell of food. The boys, who were old enough to know how babies were made, weren’t happy to learn that mom and dad did such. They were embarrassed for us. During this time, hubby went down in his back and had back surgery, so this pregnancy was a hard one, I had to take care of hubby full time and the boys needed a momma and I was swelling and sick. Around the 6th month, I had no ankles, just a calf that went into my foot. It was a long 9 months, I finally got a bit of a break when on the 8th of July, 1999, my contractions started, I made all the necessary calls and we were on our way. When I got there, at about 6pm, they decided that my labor, though going fairly well, was not producing the strength of contractions they wanted. I was however happy with them. Painful but not too much. I was given pitocin to strengthen my contractions about 2 hours later. And strengthen they did, I yanked the sheets off the bed for the first good one, I threatened my husbands very life! I asked the nurses, “What the hell were they thinking?” They laughed, said the contractions were where they wanted them! The nurses said I would be there a while, get comfortable. I told them I had quick babies, they laughed and said not this time. At somewhere around 9:30, I again offered to pay for an epidural! I demanded that they give me my checkbook! They laughed and said there wasn’t time. The scariest thing I have ever heard in my life were the words, “UH, OH!!” from the doctor who was sitting between my legs. It’s never a good sign! I was immediately told to stop pushing, that is kinda scary coming from a doctor who has been telling you push with everything you have. Seems that Little Miss decided she wouldn’t enter this world easily. Her shoulder hung on my pelvic bone. And the doctor, CALMLY tells me, I am going to have to “go in” and get her shoulder loose or both of us will hurt. When he said go in, I ASSUMED he meant surgery. I was WRONG!!! He went elbow deep in areas I really thought were not made for such! Keep in mind, I had NO epidural, remember the nurses laughing at me? They gave me Demerol, is this stuff suppose to stop pain? It DOESN’T! I was unable to open my eyes, but I felt it all! Episiotomy, no. Seems he had no where to cut, I had delivered 2 previous children and had scars going both ways, so no cuts and a doctor elbow deep, didn’t want to see that anyway! The nurses, they felt bad for laughing at me! They gave me that bless your heart look of shame! I delivered Little Miss, 6 pounds, 5 ounces, at 10pm. I guess I showed them. She came out screaming and hasn’t shut up since! I breast fed her, they asked. I guess 10 years makes a difference. She was in the room with me, when I asked them to take her to the nursery so I could get some rest, my husband would go get her. (You see she was and is Daddy’s Little Girl and she gets what she wants!) She was awake when she was born and she didn’t intend to sleep. Still doesn’t! She held her head up and “watched” TV 12 hours after she was born. She has always had too much energy for her, or my, own good. This kid developed colic at 2 weeks! Kept it for 3 1/2 months!

There you have it folks, three pregnancies, three deliveries, three very different experiences. I don’t regret one minute of it. I often wonder if I am a nut! My kids drive me CRAZY!!!! I wouldn’t change a thing. Even Little Miss coming 10 years after The Boy, she requires a lot of attention and if the boys would have been younger, somebody would have gotten left out of the attention. And I doubt that it would have been her, she demands a lot of my time. Hope you enjoyed my walk down memory lane.

It’s a long post, but it is three kids, I couldn’t choose one so I shared all three. So until next time……

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!

You just have to love husbands……

I hope everyone had a great Easter. We had Easter lunch at my mom’s and Easter dinner at his mom’s. My oldest actually showed for both. Wifey wasn’t feeling well and stayed home. I believe I mentioned that would happen.

I had a great story to share with you today. My husband said I couldn’t share it, it was embarrassing. But it would have really showed how perfect we are for each other.

*Honey if you are reading this…. first how the hell did you find it? I haven’t shared the name and I don’t save passwords. So HOW? And second…. See I am not laughing at you but rather with you! And I would never tell them the story you shared with me on Saturday night, you know the one…….

Where last Sunday, when we here having such a shitty day and you grabbed the handle on the truck door and it broke and of course you got pissed, I mean who wouldn’t? And that, that night when you went to get in the truck to go to work and grabbed the handle and remembered that it was broke and you walked around to the passenger side, opened the door and reached across and opened the door from the inside and when you closed the passenger side door, unbeknownst to you, the driver’s side door closed. Of course you didn’t know this until you got to the driver’s side and had to go back around to the passenger side and open the door from the inside and closed the door and walked around to the driver’s side and found the door closed again, and had to walk BACK around to the passenger side and open the door from the inside again and only thought right before walking around again that you should open the window just in case the door closed again and it was a good thing because when you got over there, the door had closed again. I would never share that story, since you think it is an embarrassing story. No it doesn’t show that you are an idiot.*

So though I had this perfect story to show just how perfect we are together and how sometimes we share the same brain, he gets custody of it most of the time. But I will tell you when he told me this forbidden story, I started laughing, he gave me that snotty HEEHEE laugh and went to the house to get something he forgot. I had almost composed myself and then he walked out of the door and I lost it again! I begged him to let me please go in and post this before I wet myself, he said HAHA NO! I told him I guess it could wait until Monday to start making the rounds of the Internet. He said HAHA NO! I said come on, you can’t give me a perfect post and say no! He said Uh, Yea I can. He then threatened to never share with me again. I told him I would have to think about it. I do have another story, he NEVER said not to share this one, I guess he thinks I have some sort of standards and wouldn’t post this one. Boy, he doesn’t know me very well…….

As I said we ate lunch at Momma’s, she is a fabulous cook! We had Boston Butt, turkey, macaroni salad, potato salad, deviled eggs, baked beans, mashed tators, various raw veggies and a lot of good food. And then we went to eat MIL’s to eat supper. We had turkey, ham, dressing, potato salad, slaw, deviled eggs, some sort of beans and a lot of other food. She ALWAYS cooks too much food. Anyway, we hadn’t went to clean yet and after supper we went to clean the office, Hubby invited the oldest to go with us so that we could continue our visit. Everything was going smoothly, we were talking away and enjoying our visit. Hubby stopped to get gas for my little car and when he got back in the car he made the comment I hope that didn’t follow me in here. I thought nothing of it, I should have! About 3 seconds later in mid sentence, a stink like no other stink in the world assaulted my nose. went up it and slammed me into the floorboard of the car! I was gagging! Hubby, well, he was laughing, so was Easy E. I rolled down the window in an attempt to get relief from this awful smell, Easy E stopped laughing and started gagging. I had sent it back to him! We finally got rid of the stench, all was good! Then Hubby started squirming in his seat, his eyes started watering, he covered his nose with his shirt, he complained of being blind. Yes, he had did it again! He farted and it was nastier than the first! He was laughing and gagging, Easy E was trying to hang his head out of my window. I told him to STOP IT! Hubby said it was a testament to good food. I told him it smelled like he had eaten a heaping serving of raw sewage! We got to the office, finally I could get away from the stink that is my husband. A few times, I noted my oldest would run away from an area gasping for air and trying to sniffle without having to smell and wiping the tears from his eyes. I would hear my darling husband laughing! I told him before we got in the car for the 45 minute ride home, to get all of it out of his system! Would you believe, no less than 10 times, my husband gassed us!!!! He would never say a word, he would never make a sound, a smell would just stick 2 fingers up your nose and throw you to the ground! And he would laugh. We would gag and gasp for air and wipe the tears from our eyes. He continued after we got home. He would squirm and then the smell would get you. Then my precious daughter got in on the competition! She put him to shame! I told my oldest to run away, while he still had a chance! It was too late for me, but save himself. I went to lay with hubby for a couple of minutes when he went to bed, Daisy went with us. She went under the covers and QUICKLY went to my pillow to get away from it! She just stared at him. He said uh oh, I think I have another one, the dog whined!!!!! I told her to run away, She will roll in horse shit, but this was too bad for her.

I went to bed last night, in his sleep, my husband was still torturing me! He actually fluffed the covers up after each burst from his ass! IN HIS SLEEP! I know he was asleep, he was snoring in a way he only snores in his deepest sleep. I thought he had shit himself many times, the smell just hung in the air. My car still had a scent in it this morning!

Why do men think this is so funny? The worse it smells, the funnier it is. Women don’t generally rip one and laugh if it makes her husband gag. Women generally don’t rip one that is bad enough to gag anyone, and if by some chance she does, she tries not to do it again.

Being a sweet southern belle, I don’t pass gas! I excuse myself to the bathroom, release a non lethal smelling bit of air and come back to the room and no one is the wiser. I DENY that I do it ever! My family doesn’t believe me.

My sainted Grandma, would raise her leg and rip one regardless of where she was and it didn’t matter where you were sitting she pointed it toward you. My Granddaddy would say, “Mattie, my God!” And she would reply, “There is more room out than in.” I will never forget the time she let one rip at a restaurant, she thought it would be silent and it was the loudest fart I had ever heard in my short life. I guess people wouldn’t have stared at her, if she had not had 5 grand kids rolling on the floor laughing. So I guess men and children think it is funny. Oh, hell, I admit it, I am sitting here laughing as I type this.

Oh and you didn’t read the note to my husband did you? If you did then you read the story I was not to tell. Don’t tell him.

On a different front, my niece was harassed to no end yesterday. She brought it on herself. Never tell this bunch of idiots anything! My MIL was going on about how the dogs had puked and dookied all over where the eggs were to be hid. It was dookie this and dookie that. My niece, not the brightest sometimes, said she hated that word! She was asked what other words she hated. Again she was being set up. She said she hated the word titties. So every other word for the next 10 minutes was dookie or titties. What did she expect? I told her she had gotten to high flutin’ for us here country folk *I believe there was some nose rubbing, butt picking and possibly a little banjo music going on too* So the more irritated she got, the worse the use of words got. She was laughing at us so, I guess she still loves us. She was a bit pissy when we got there. I know she was FORCED to go, we all were. Red and her husband the ass brought that damn dog and brought her in the house. Sissy, the dog not my niece, is annoying, she wants to climb all over you and she expects everyone to feed her from their plate. She ain’t mine, I ain’t feeding her. Anyway, Bug voiced her displeasure at the dog being there, something along the lines of, Why don’t we all just bring our dogs over and see who’s the worst. I say Sissy will win.” The other SIL points out that the dog goes out BEFORE we eat. The Ass puts her out but promptly starts pouting. Bug, walks by and sniffles and says, “Do you screw her too?” See just pissy, I told her to come sit by me. I also asked if “it” was getting close. Her mom says, next Saturday, if we can stand her that long! I told her to come be pissy with me, we would sit together and bitch about everyone. I love that child, she is almost 17 and she reminds me of someone I really like. OK, it’s me. She is a little slow sometimes, but it’s just “blond moments”.

This is a perfect example of Bug……My husband was going to the funeral home one night and Bug made an innocent comment about how his pants made his butt look good, he told her that was like incest. So she kept it up, she told him how hawt he looked, and how he should dress like that all the time. And she didn’t know her uncle had such a cute tail! He walked out of the door backwards. Yesterday, she told him the pants he was wearing did nothing for his butt. Talk about a dead silence falling over a room!  I guess you had to know the whole story or it sounded BAD!  She got some looks, even after we tried to  explain the whole story, I guess they don’t have our sense of humor, not many do. We are weird. I love when she comes to visit, we have a ball. She lives just down the road and I rarely get to see her anymore. I guess she is outgrowing me. *sniffle, pout*

I guess I better go. Before I do that…. If I have sent anyone a email that was politically incorrect, be it a joke, a picture, or political humor, if I offended, SORRY! I have many email addresses to those who comment me, the computer automatically saves them and I have had a jumpy finger and may have sent out unintended mail to you. I thought it was funny, maybe you didn’t. I don’t think I did, but just in case. I am to lazy to check my sent mail box, it is too full and most of them are sent bcc so I have to go to properties and all that. You see to much work, easier, post it her and apologize to everyone at once. I should move my blogger addresses away from my personal addresses, but again, LAZY!!!! So anyways…… As always…….

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!

I finally caved in. My morning pic

I have finally caved in. I kept visiting all these sites and seeing how they are “courageous” and posted a no makeup, just woke up picture. They all said how awful they looked, yeah right! These women looked waaaaayyyyy better than me. I did finally go to the site that has ALL of the pics. OK, my favs look great, some of the people I have never heard of…… well, some of them, makeup wouldn’t help anyway, a bag maybe. Yes,that is mean, but run right over and look at the WHOLE group, not just the ones you “know”. I’ll wait…….http://www.flickr.com/groups/718839@N22/ *humming a nice tune*

OK, see what I mean? Some of these women are truly courageous! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Natural beauty is always better, yadda,yadda, yadda.

OK, I know you all know just how glamorous I am *ignore the woman in sweat pants and the T-shirt and crappy hair and no makeup who is sitting at the computer typing, she has nothing to do with this* It’s all designer gowns and diamonds for me…

Isn’t that a wonderful tan, and yes I know it is a little risque’ with the low cut back, but if you have it flaunt it, right? And can you believe all the people who stand at my door just to catch a glimpse of me? And where did that red carpet come from?

And I loved the flow of this one, that train was a bit of a pain in the ass though. Notice how I lost my tan, damn spray on tans! The red carpet is back, I must find out who keeps putting it down.

And this dress… I liked the color and the tan is somewhat back! Isn’t the patio divine? I really should entertain more often. Can you believe that is a normal day outfit for me!

So now that you have seen the made up me, heh! How jealous are you? I have decided to post my morning pic. I caved into peer pressure and I have had my picture taken first thing in the morning. Before coffee and teeth brushing, hair combing and all that good stuff. So without further ado, here it is. Please don’t laugh, I know it is bad. The Pooh Bear shirt adds a good 50 pounds. Pooh has seen better days too, I guess it is time to give him up.

Damn, can nobody take a picture without cutting my head off? Cheat? Uh, no? It is first thing in the morning, the real me. No One ever said you had to show your face! I checked and double checked just to make sure, (a special thanks to temporarily me, I kept hitting your site to get to the other sites, sorry if I screwed with a site meter. but kisses for “letting” me use your site!) it says post the real you keeping in mind that honesty and keeping it real is the goal! I’ll post it here and only here, I won’t be adding my weirdness to the flicker group.

So there you go. Me in all of my realness! Hope you enjoyed.

As Always…..

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!

Things my Momma and Grandma never told me.

Today we listen in on the random thoughts of a woman who is losing her mind slowly but surely. Blame the husband, blame the kids, blame the blog, but let’s watch as she rants on and questions everything she wishes she knew.

I have been married for a little over 20 years *color me OLD* and I have 3 bratty spoiled wonderfulchildren. One is 22, one is 18 and one is 8. I also have a 22 year old daughter-in-law. I have lived. No wild parties (OK a few but not in a looooong time), drunken binges (OK only a, OK a lot but not in a looooonnnnngggg time), or month long orgies (really never had one of these), but I have lived and learned a lot in my blah blah years. But there are a few things I have never learned the answers to. Grandma is gone. Momma is still around but she ain’t talking. So I am left to wonder about these things. So if you know the answer to any of these, PLEASE tell me. Its not the meaning of life but they are driving me crazy. So here are the questions I really need the answers to in no particular order, just as they come into my demented little mind.

Why does my husband look at me like I am fixing to grab up an axe and start hacking them all in to little pieces every time I say I am going to make No Bake Cookies? Granted it is a certain time of the month that I develop a STRONG urge to make these cookies, but I think it has more to do with the nutrition of these cookies that makes me want them. Seriously, oatmeal lowers cholesterol, peanut butter is a protein, chocolate, we all know, cures everything from PMS to teenage heartbreak, vanilla is good for something (soothing nerves, I think), and sugar is quick energy. So see nutrition.

Why does my 8 year old have the attitude of a 17 year old? I swear, if she don’t cool it, she will not make it til 9.

How could my grandma cut up and fry 4 small potatoes and feed 10 people and have left overs, but I cut up 10 huge potatoes for 4 people and somebody will go back and say, “Where did the potatoes go?”?

How did my Grandma put up with 5 grandkids and a spare kid or two in a small camper trailer? I can’t put up with one 8 year old on 6 acres of land. And don’t even ask about the 18 year old, there ain’t enough land in Alabama.

Why can my husband get up and go to bed when he gets tired, even on the weekends, but I have to stay up til his demon spawn decides she wants to go to sleep? But he can wait up til 3am if The Boy is out.

Why is the same cold I had for 2 weeks, worse for my husband, when he has only had it for 4 hours? And why can he go to bed, while I still have to take care of his sperm donations and cook? Is this fair?

(Damn these cookies are good! Let them sit til they harden, HA, give me a spoon I will eat them straight out of the pot!)

Why does my husband scream, “Could you be any louder? I am trying to go to sleep.” when a sock hits the ground?( And we all know how loud a sock is, it’s a fuckin sonic boom!) My usual response is, “Do you want me to, I can if it will make you happy. I live to make you happy!” When he gets in the shower at 4 in the morning and I am trying to sleep, he turns on the bathroom light and the closet light and gets in every fuckin drawer in the room, slams the shower door shut, coughs, hacks, flushes the commode, drops his shaving cream, you name it, if it is loud, he does it. But do I ever say anything, damn right I do.

Why does my husband get out his clothes, including underwear and socks, and put them in the living room every night before he goes to bed, but he still gets underwear and socks out in the morning to take to the shower with him? And he takes the socks to the living room with him every morning. He only wears one pair!

Why are there black shoe marks on the bowl part of the commode at the office I clean? There isn’t a light bulb to change. And it is toe toward the back. And only men use this bathroom.

How bad of a case of screaming shits would you have to have to splash shit on the under side of the toilet seat? And how could you NOT get it on your ass? I have asked my husband to “sniff” his co workers and see which one it is.

Would it offend anyone if I put Imodium on the back of the commode? Think they would get the hint?

Why does Daisy greet The Boy at the door like he is just back from war, when I am the one who does everything for her? 

(Damn where did my cookie go? I’ll think I will have another. I need the nutrition.)

Why was I blessed with a third child at my age? She should have been the first, I don’t have the energy for her now. Of course if she would have been first, she would have been the last.

Why did I agree to let the littlest hellion spend the night? Have I completely lost my mind?

Why does my family put empty boxes back in the cabinet? There is nothing worse than seeing a box of Nutter Butters in the cabinet and start drooling, only to discover that the damn box is empty.

Can no one else load the dishwasher?

And is it impossible to tell me you need clean socks before you run out? Four o’clock in the morning is not the time to inform your wife you don’t have any clean socks. She will tell you where to go and what to do to yourself when you get there!

Why do I not smack my child every time she smarts off to me? OK, I am not a child smacking kind of person, but please. She smarts off to me a hundred times a day. I never took that kind of shit from the boys. That, “You ruined my life!”, “I wish kids ruled, parents are so stupid!”, “I hate you, you are the worst parent ever!”, “I am NEVER going to speak to you again!!” (this is the point where I usually say, “Thank you God, Peace FINALLY!!”)(And I wonder where she gets her mouth. Oops!) and last but certainly not the end of the list..”You are so stupid. You don’t care!!!!”

Why am I paying for my husband’s raising? He was the one who was so bad, he got caught. I didn’t get caught, so technically, I was good.

Why do all the dogs sit at my feet? I am the one who can barely lift her feet sometimes, but they pile up and I have to step over them.

Why am I still watching reruns? Didn’t the writers settle the strike? I have seen a few new shows, but come on, TV is my way to relax and I can’t zone out to reruns, I watch those all day.

Is there a funnier man on late night TV than the guy who plays Jack on Will and Grace? And the women who plays Karen Walker, I love her on that show.

Why was I watching a Will and Grace where Grace is pregnant (and drinking wine) one night and the next night it was back to when Grace was dating Woody Harrelson? They usually run them in order, I haven’t seen many of the ones after Grace got married. Hubby decided he just couldn’t watch it anymore, I don’t know why.

Why can my husband come in and see me watching a show on TV and pick up the remote and change the channel? And NOT understand why he just had a shoe thrown at him!

Why can’t men and women agree on a TV show? We agree most of the time, I get my way, but sometimes he will watch the stupidest shows on TV. I mean Jerry Springer? Come on, I don’t make him watch Oprah, OK I don’t watch Oprah *cringe* * don’t shoot me* And Jerry Springer comes on at the same time as Gilmore Girls and I WILL hack him into small pieces IF he dare come between me and Gilmore Girls!

And Reality TV? OK, I like Cops, I have watched a few of that Your Momma Don’t Dance, I mean the title says it will be funny…. And then I found out mom and dad can dance, I quit watching. Survivor… I have tried, really I was watching the night that guy fell into the fire, I can’t make myself watch it. American Idol… I watch a LITTLE of the auditions, very little, I just can’t get into it. And Bo’s family was from near me and still, no. Amazing Race…. NO, if I want to watch 2 people argue, I will tape me and hubby, while I drive. Flavor of Love, that guy is…. well, I can’t watch it. Scott Baio is pregnant at 46…. I loved him as Chachi, give it up honey, live off the money you made as a child actor.

Why does my big, brave (LOL) pit bull puppy shit on the porch at night? Other times, she goes in the yard like a good girl, just at night, the last out before bed.

How is it my 18 year old can stay out til 11:30 pm on a work night and get up 5 am, but if he is at home he is in the bed at 8 pm and you can’t barely drag his ass out of bed at 5:30 am?

Why will I let Daisy lick my nose, but not my husband? OK, I let him kiss my mouth and not Daisy, so I guess that’s alright.

Why does Daisy want luvin’ only when I am trying to blog? When I want puppy luv, she ignores me.

Why does Daisy think she is a better writer than me? You should have seen spell check after her addition to this post, I had to delete it.

I have more but I must go. Any answers? I hope so. So as Always…….

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!

And there you go folks, another episode of she’s losing it, I hope you enjoyed it. Til next time….

Just a few things I figured out…..

You may notice a change around this here blog. My dear husband went to bed at 8 last night because he had to get up at midnight to haul cement, The Boy was at his driving class and Little Miss was in her room, so I got on the Internet and made a few changes. At Word Press it is mainly rearranging stuff, I can’t find a template for a 3 column that I like, I haven’t looked at websites besides Word Press. They are kind of stinky about using other sites stuff here. Like I can’t figure out how to put this wonderful little thingy on my sidebar….  

I fucked around trying every little widget box I had and I never figured out  how to do it. And I am an idiot when it comes to all that HTML or any other computer jargon shit. Remember I am the one who still can’t figure out how to hide links.

The biggest change is the BlogSpot site. I was so tired of those damn dots. I still think it looks cute, but I have had them since I started. First the light ones then the dark ones. For that one I did look further for templates. I found 6 I feel in love with! One I would have married, I loved it so much. But BlogSpot kept screaming at me! It had sloppy code and something or the other wasn’t closed correctly.. Apparently it drooled and wouldn’t stay in its cage! So I tried another one. Yes, I liked it, it looked nice. It didn’t drool and it stayed in its cage and everything. I got excited! I previewed it and I couldn’t read one damn thing on the page! I could see it there, I just couldn’t make out one damn word! I assume I could have saved it and changed the text color, but I feared that I would screw up, you know, lose all my ads, my banners and all. And the about me picture was stretched into some contorted scary looking picture, so I went to BlogSpot’s own little template site, I wanted a 3 column look, I have so much shit in the sidebars, I need to figure out how to shrink them in to hiding until someone wants to see them, but alas, it is not meant to be. I found the one I have. It’s always been there, I was feeling “girlie” I guess and it just tickled my fancy. So what do you think? They are not original, but they are new to me. Next cement haul I may look for a different Word Press template, who knows.

So what else is new around here? I discovered something. I discovered that we were out of toilet paper. How did this happen? I have a grand fuckin fear of running out of toilet paper, and discovering this after having a dump the size of the Grand Canyon. I store toilet paper in the bathroom, under the sink, I keep an eye on it, if we are running low I buy more. Simple right? And where do you use toilet paper anyway if not in the bathroom? Since I have been down, my husband has been doing all the shopping. And he puts up everything. Where does HE put the toilet paper, you might ask? In the fuckin laundry room!!! Why? If I run out, it is much easier to waddle across the bathroom and get it than, well, waddle out into the bedroom, down the hall and across the laundry room and reach up on a shelf that I have to climb onto the dryer to reach. His helpful solution…. Get it before you sit down. What? That would mean I would have to LOOK before to see if I needed it. And nobody does that. When do you notice that you are out of TP? When you reach to get it WHEN you are DONE! Anyway, yesterday, I discovered that we were out of TP, thankfully, after going pee. I checked under the sink. None. I checked the laundry room. NONE! Kids bathroom, very little. I will tell you something about using napkins as a replacement. Regular napkins, not absorbent, but works OK. Tinkerbell party napkins…..Not so good. First they are kinda to thick to be absorbent. And secondly, it is a little disturbing to wipe your ass with Tinkerbell. Maybe that is just me. We got TP so I don’t have to worry about that again until the next time. And there better not be a next time. I informed him that even though he doesn’t use TP much, I clean his drawers, I know, that EVERY TIME I use the bathroom, I use it!

OK picture time…….

I did manage to clean the fish tank. This is the after. I refuse to show the before. I need one of those fish that sucks the green off the glass. Of course every time I add a fish to the tank, it kills the old fish. I have had these two, I have no clue where the 2nd fish is in the picture, for more than 2 years, so I don’t want to chance it. Fat Ass tries to escape on a regular basis, he spits rocks at the glass, so apparently he is not a happy camper. Yesterday he kept trying to get up in the vacuum, he has a death wish. Anyway, after I had drained it down to an inch of water, they were using knives to cut through the water, it was that thick with shit. I even cleaned the shells. My pink shell, its pink again! The blue shell, blue. Everything had shit on it or algae. Looks nice if I do say so myself. I want a bigger tank and tropical fish, but I will settle for my 10 gallon tank and my 2 goldfish.

This is the small, ugly fridge that hubby moved to the kitchen. He was tired of hearing me BITCH and MOAN about how I would like to have something to drink but didn’t want to walk the extra 500 miles to the laundry room to get it. Yes, I am trying to hide the ugliness with piles of shit on the thing. It was fine in the laundry room, it is going back when we get mom’s old one. Side by side, ice and water in the door, shiny new to me, I only have to hope it will fit in my opening and that they hurry up and get moved in the new house. It’s looking like May before they can move. I will have to get on to these people and get their asses in gear. I need my fridge.

I like to call this one, dunna, dunna, dunna BAT GIRL! I saw a picture of some kind of bat (fox bat or vampire bat, IDK) and she reminds me of it every time she is laying on her back.

And last but certainly not least, I call this one…..BUSTED!!! I hate this recliner, it is dirty and tore and lumpy, but will my husband part with it? Hell no, he loves it. I don’t understand. Ain’t Daisy May getting big?

I guess I should go. Hubby will be home anytime now and he hates it when I am on the computer. So As Always…..

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!