And it is crawl your miserable ass back in the bed and cover your head up and give up!!! I have to gripe. Me, gripe? Yes! I must!
I took my MRI yesterday, I got the disk and of course, I looked at it. I don’t have a clue what I am looking at, but I have looked at Hubby’s MRIs and could always see where his disk was blown. I think I may have a couple of disk that are a LITTLE oozy, but I wouldn’t swear to that. Two years ago, the last time I had an MRI on my back, I thought I saw a problem and the asshole doctor that I went to Quack of a son of a bitch doctor I went to treated me as thought I was a drug crazed idiot searching for pain pills a nut said he really didn’t see anything that should be causing me any problems and definitely nothing to be causing the pain I said I was in. Yes he actually said the pain I claimed to be in. Everybody needs a asshole doctor like that.
I have a new symptom. I already had burning in my thighs, my calves, the side of my lower legs, my shins, the top of my feet, and my middle and lower back. Now I have it on my face, my eyes, my upper arms (on the flaps fat back), my forearms, hands and my titties! What exactly do I mean by burning, you ask? Well have you ever smeared Icy Hot on yourself? *I personally can’t use it, I found out it blisters my skin. Actually turns it blood red!* For those of you who haven’t experienced this joy, think Vick’s Vapor Rub times a million! And I know most have used Vick’s, if only as a child with a chest cold. You know how it burns the hell out of warms the skin and then has a feeling of cold when air hits it? Well that’s what I mean by *burning*. It is irritating as hell and it is driving me bat shit crazy! For those who would like to experience this so that they may call me a whiny weeniesympathize with me, smear a handful of it in your eyes! No don’t do that, I am really in a pissy mood today and I may be saying things I truly don’t mean. Though if you are saying I am a huge ass whiny weenie…..Go ahead and give it a try!
I am really not a weenie, even my mommy says so. She says anyone who thinks I am being a weenie, should have been there when Little Miss made her entrance into this world. To clarify this, the doctor went elbow deep into ME to unstick her shoulder which had caught on my pelvic bone. I DID NOT crawl up the bed, I NEVER kicked him in the head, I NEVER put my foot on his forehead in an attempt to push him away. She was a natural birth, I had Demerol, who thinks this stuff actually lessens the pain? I don’t! I never felt any difference in the pain, I was just unable to open my eyes and witness the birth of my child, OK I wouldn’t want to see the doctor digging around in there! *Hubby said he would not have any trouble waiting the 6 weeks for sex, it would take at least that amount of time to get that picture out of his head!* But I digress.
I am so tired of test and blood work and doctors. I have had MRIs on my lower back *twice*, my neck and my brain, X-rays out the ass, EKGs, EEG, and there is nothing they haven’t checked in my blood, they even checked for Syphilis! And heavy metals, found out hubby wasn’t poisoning me, I guess that’s good. All the test come back fine, and they always say, “If you aren’t better in a couple of weeks or even a month, come back and we will see if we can find something.” I didn’t know that if the test come back fine that you get better! A test that shows nothing is a cure for all that ails you! Its an effin miracle! I have put up with a variety of symptoms for over two effin years, I don’t think that taking a test will cure me! Hell, it hasn’t so far!
It started over 2 years ago, I went down in my back for a month. I went to see my quack of afamily doctor, he sent me for an MRI, the radiologist said 3 slightly herniated disk and mild disk deterioration. He sent me to the asshole doctor who saw nothing. After being treated like a bastard child drug seeking nut case, I got PISSED and I pushed myself to the limit and after a couple of weeks I was somewhat better. Then I developed chest pains. Heart crushing, can’t breath chest pains. I went to the ER, they called the quack family doctor, he put me in the hospital. A slew of EKGs, blood work, chest x-rays, a cat scan of my chest, a stress test, and they drained me of the biggest share of my blood. Everything turned out fine. They did an ultrasound of my gall bladder, fine. They did a cat scan off my heart, fine. They ran a tube down my throat, fine. No signs of heart blockage, no signs of gall stones or kidney stones, or liver damage, no sign of acid reflux. No signs of nothing! Lupus? No. Thyroid? Nope. Syphilis? Hell, NO! I went to the ER several times for chest pains. EKG, blood work, chest x-rays, always came back fine! I quit going for chest pains, even if I couldn’t breath. I developed small red dots on my arms, stomach and chest. Not a rash, but it looked like someone went after me with a fine point red ink pen. What did the quackdoctor say? Some people get those when they get their blood pressure taken. WTF?! On my damn chest and stomach? *To be quite honest, I went there to get my meds refilled and mentioned this in passing as something I had noticed, right after my first trip to the ER and it had remained there for the past few months, kinda drove me nuts.* I complained of losing the sensation of feeling in my hands, Carpal Tunnel or arthritis, depending on his mood, he gave me anti inflammatory meds. Never helped! I complained of pain in my leg, foot and all 5 toes. To affect all 5 toes that would be 3 nerves. I don’t give a flying fig if it requires 300 damn nerves to cause it, I was just stating the facts! The quackdoctor acted like it was impossible for more than 1 nerve to be affected! He actually told my husband that I had made up my mind that I had heart problems. And that with all of the problems I complained about he felt like I may be looking for attention and that I “developed” new symptoms when I required more attention. In straight terms…. I am a nut! Or its all in my mind! *%@*@#*!!!#@*%!!!@@@#&@****@@@!!!!!!!! I don’t even have the cuss words to cover how pissed off I got over that!
I started going to the doc in a box when I was sick. That doctor LISTENED to all 4 million symptoms that seemingly have no connection to each other and said that they all had one thing in common, Nerves! He sent me to a neurologist. That doctor seemed to think MS, he sent me to have my brain scanned and MORE blood work. I had never considered MS, I pictured those kids on TV with their arms drawn up toward their chest and knees drawn, I thought the doctor was a NUT! I did not resemble these people at all! I did a little research. The people I was seeing in my mind’s eye, those who have Cerebral Palsy and Muscular Dystrophy. Multiple Sclerosis doesn’t strike children, it starts in adulthood. The symptoms fit! I even had symptoms I had not thought of as symptoms but rather minor annoyances! I will be damned, it is something! I am not a hypochondriac!
And the little episode I had when I was pregnant with the boy now made sense! MS will strike and then go dormate for 10 years or more before rearing its ugly head again. I had a spell where I SUDDENLY lost all strength in my arms and legs, I slid down the wall and had to be carried to bed, where I stayed all weekend. I didn’t have the strength to walk or pick up a glass. I lost my coordination, I had to “grab” at glasses and “feel around” to pick up things, I had no strength. The doctor then told me and I loosely quote, “You are young, you have a toddler and a baby on the way. We all need a little vacation from time to time. For it to affect both your arms and your legs it would have to be in your head! You had a weekend off, get up and get back to being a wife and a mother.” This is the same doctor, who in a few months, would diagnose me with a bladder infection from the door of a hospital room, without speaking to me, running a test or looking at the strip of tape that was measuring my contractions. He told the nurse to have me drink a lot of cranberry juice and water and stay off my feet for the rest of the day. Little did he know that in another month I would be in premature labor and spend the rest of my pregnancy in bed and on meds to stop my labor! But I digress again.
But now I knew that something was wrong! I wasn’t CRAZY! Test come back, everything is fine. No lesions, no brain tumor, no problems with the brain. Damn! And before anyone screams at me BE GLAD IT IS NOT MS!!! I am glad it is not MS, I realize this is a condition that has no cure and it gets worse as time goes on. BUT(!) I was hoping to be diagnosed with something, anything! For I am really starting to believe I may be NUTS!!!
I have been to an orthopedic doc, really a great doctor, I LOVE him, he FIXED my husband! I thought it might be a disc in my neck that was causing my problems, WRONG! MRI proved it wasn’t. He suggested Neuropathy put me on medicine for it. It didn’t help. He sent me to another neurologist, a good neurologist he said. He knew the first one, he was good but he really didn’t follow up to well if the problem wasn’t obvious. The doctor he sent me to is good. I guess. She was all gung ho to figure it all out during the start of the appointment.Yes, it sounds like a neuropathy, maybe the smaller nerves. Carpal Tunnel test, which I passed with flying colors, I might add, test the larger nerves of the arms and legs. She ran a few more blood test * Are all doctors vampires?* and she was the one to prove darling hubby wasn’t poisoning me, she doubled the dose of medicine I was taking. The test came back fine according to the nurse who called me with the results. That’s great news she says. The doctor will go over the results in more detail at your next appointment. I in the end, I cancelled the appointment. I mean how much more detail can you get than everything was fine. And she had already told me I had all the test run that she would do with the possible exception of a spinal tap.
And now I am down in my back AGAIN! To shut everybody up, I made an appointment with the good doctor, fully expecting to find out that he can’t find anything! I will find out tomorrow.
I am so disgusted with doctors. I wonder if they truly care if its not them. I have cried til I can’t cry anymore. I have cried because of the pain. I have cried because I am fed up with all of it! But mostly I have cried because I truly feel like I may actually be a NUT! I cannot say that in the last 2 and a half years, that I had a day when I did not suffer from one or more symptom. That I felt good for the entire day! The quack doctor treated me for depression, I took the medicine for 6 months, though my mood was better, I was no better. Just not as quick tempered and bitchy!
My parents go to church with a woman with MS, she swears I have it. She suffered for almost 3 years before being diagnosed and she was treated like a nut by many doctors, but she just kept going to doctors until they finally said, “Damn, you have MS!” She gets so mad when she asks my parents about me and whether I have been diagnosed yet. Bless her. I sometimes feel like she is the only person who thinks I may have something wrong with me. Hubby supports me and helps out, but sometimes I feel like he is beginning to wonder. Not that he thinks I am faking it, but if maybe it is all in my head. He will say, something is wrong with you, but I don’t know if they will ever find it. I have joked that if I die from anything besides a horrific accident that is NOT my fault, to demand an autopsy!
You know I complain about the big things, but do you know what makes me the craziest? The small things, like having to stop and think about right and left, calling a dog a cat or a horse a deer and not really realizing that I am identifying something wrong, forgetting things *like did I eat today*, having to stop and think of words and the occasional shaking I get in my hands and arms. But the worst, not having any energy! I don’t have the energy to play with my daughter. And I know she is tired of hearing, “Momma doesn’t feel like it right now.” I know I am tired of saying it!
This has turned in a novel, I really didn’t mean to ramble on. I guess I just needed to vent and I developed diarrhea of the mouth. Wouldn’t be the first time, I am sure it won’t be the last. I have something else I want to throw out there.
A while back I filled out some page to get my weekly horoscope, I was bored and surfing the net and thought What the Hell, I could use a weekly laugh. I really don’t even read them anymore, its always a business opportunity will arise, it will be worth looking in to, romance is high on your partners list * Can I ask, When is not?*, now is the time to start that new diet and exercise routine, you know very generic. Never, “Justmy life” will have doctor’s appointment and this is the one where she finds out if she is a nut or not! I couldn’t get that lucky. But sometimes when I have something going on during the week I will look and see what they say. Well, for the 6th it seems I will be searching for spiritual enlightenment! Scouring the Internet for crystals and spiritual healing. Tarot cards and the occult may seem to call for me. I will be damned! I ain’t finding out nothing tomorrow, I will have to look into witch craft for healing! Damn, I was hoping for a pill or two! And on the 8th, I will be looking into a new exercise regiment, along the lines of Yoga or Palates! Damn I guess the witchcraft will work! I’ve seen some of those Yoga poses, these people can kiss their own ass! They could get into positions that would make a porn star jealous! Hell, I think it is possible that they wouldn’t require having a partner in the sex area if they were that kinky!!!! OK, sorry that was gross, my delete button just simply won’t delete the last part.
Anyway…..wish me luck, according to the psychics, its not in the stars for me to get answers. I guess I should go. Thanks for *listening*, for any of you who actually cared enough or time to read it all. I will let you know what I found out if anything on Friday, I guess. So until then, As Always….
HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!
