The story of how we grew…..

I am fairly certain I have posted about how all of my kids made their entrance into this world. But it was a long time ago and if you read it, wonderful, here it is again…Blame Lotus!

All of my pregnancies and deliveries have been different, much like my children. My post will be no where near as hilarious or emotional as Lotus’ (see here. http://sarcasticmom.com/?p=296 ) but I will try to make it painless.

I was very young,15, when I got pregnant the first time. I suffered with morning sickness for three months. I would get up, eat, shower, puke, sleep, get up eat, puke, sleep, you get the picture. I skipped school with hubby-to-be, we missed 48 days before the school called to find out if I had died. Incredibly my parents didn’t kill me when they found out I was pregnant.

My first was born in January, 1986, I had been in light labor since Christmas, I did not know this. I was 16 and stupid. I woke up at 2am on January 2nd and was having massive cramps. Having had a HUGE dinner the day before, I decided the food wanted out! So I waddle to the bathroom and commenced to try to go. The cramps kept getting worse, nothing was coming out. (Little did I know that I did NOT want the cause of the cramps to come out in the commode.) The pain, it went away. I thought gas, great that’s just what I need. Then the pain came back, went away, came back….a light bulb went off in my head. Labor? I was due on Dec. 28th. I got my mom up, asked her, she couldn’t remember how labor started, it had been 16 years after all. She decided to time my “cramps”, 3 minutes apart. We are an hour away from the hospital, the doctor said come when the contractions are 7 minutes apart. I am thinking, “Shit, I am screwed.” Mom calls the doctor, nice guy, older guy. (The only one I ever saw at my appointments, he had a partner, when I was scheduled to see him, he was always delivering a baby.) He said to bring me right in. I called my wonderful husband to be. He tells me he will be right there, he lives MAYBE 10 minutes away. I am OK with waiting 10 minutes. He shows up 25 minutes later! I am on the verge of a stroke and these damn cramps are quickly getting on my nerves and he took the time to wash his hair and shower. I didn’t, but I guess he wants to look his best. OK finally out the door, but wait, my dad, wonderful man he is, forgot to get gas for the car and the last thing he wants to do is run out of gas. So we stop at the gas station, It doesn’t take long to get gas right? Wrong, my father is telling everyone they are taking me to the hospital to have my youngin’. Add another 30 minutes to my misery! I had decided I was meant to be one of those women whose birth story started with….” And there we were in the car and the baby was crowning and I had no choice…”

We FINALLY made it to the hospital. It was 7am. I was admitted, no nurse wanted me! They saw a young girl who was probably spoiled rotten and would give them a fit. One brave women happened to know my Grandma and said, “Irene wouldn’t have a spoiled grandchild, she would just smack the shit out of them, I will take her.” My contractions were now at 7 minutes apart. (I had been in early, early labor. The real pain hadn’t even started! I thought this was gonna be a breeze. Wrong, again!) I was scheduled to get an epidural, I had to wait until the time was just right….when the pain was so bad that I wouldn’t know that some dude was sticking a long ass needle into my spine. I waited, I tried to be good. I would mention to my wonderful husband to be, I was hurting, he would go to the door and tell anyone who was near, I was hurting and could they please get me something for pain. I trained him well. The doctor ( the partner I had never seen, go figure) and nurses assured me that it would be a long day and night. They didn’t expect my bundle of joy before sometime the next day. They gave me my epidural, wonderful, wonderful epidural! Did I mention, I loved the guy who stuck the big needle in my spine, after he was done and I was feeling nothing from my ribs down? Well, I loved him, I told him so. I offered to marry him, hubby, not real happy that I was offering to marry this old dude. But I was out of pain, so I think he would have married him too. I got my epidural at 10am. At 10:15, the nurse said, it was time to push. HUH? What happened to having him tomorrow? I was going to take a nap. The nurse told me to push on the next contraction, I had not felt a contraction since I got my epidural. I sat there, waiting, the nurse said PUSH!!! I think I pushed like 10 times…. At 11am, Easy E, 6 pounds,11 ounces, let out his first cry. A small cry. A beautiful cry. I cried, the old man, he cried, my husband, he cried. We were all a bunch of crying idiots, even the nurses who wanted none of me, they teared up. I think they were just glad my hubby wouldn’t be yelling for pain medicine anymore. He slept, he was in the nursery, I slept. I was never asked if I wanted to breast feed, they just gave me a bottle for him, I didn’t care, I had my baby boy. Hubby walked on cloud nine for months, he was so proud of his boy. I guess it was a good thing I didn’t breast feed, he would have starved to death, I wore like a 32AA bra at the time.

My next pregnancy, I was married for that one. I had one day of morning sickness, Thanksgiving Day! All of the wonderful, delicious food was making me nauseous. I had had an accident and slammed my head in to the dash and thought that was why I was so sick. I didn’t know I was pregnant for 2 more weeks. Every thing went fairly smooth, until I went in to premature labor. I was on bed rest for 3 months! I thought I would like being waited on hand and foot. I did for 2 days maybe, after that I was tired of laying around. I went to the hospital 4 times, each time they would increase my medicine and send me home. On July 4th, 1989, the doctor said go home, keep taking your medicine (same strength), stay in the bed and if the contractions get stronger come back and we will have this baby. I went home, threw away the medicine and walked every second I could. He was due on the 23rd. I was  finally able to call my husband to come home from work early so we could have this baby on the 24th! The little shit couldn’t wait to get here until the doctor’s said he could. I guess he showed us, we wouldn’t let him get here when he wanted to so he would take his sweet ass time showing up. Hubby got home a 1pm, he took a nap, my dad video taped me, I was getting pissed!!! Why would anyone think it was a good idea to put a camera in the face of a raving lunatic? I was ready to get this child out and hubby was napping and Dad was just getting on my nerves. My mom was the only sane person in the house, she told daddy, no jury would hold me responsible for anything I did while I was in labor. He got the picture. We got to the hospital at 3pm. The nurses again assured me I had a while to go! My parents, my grandparents all went to eat dinner. I had decided not to do the epidural this time, I had experienced a lot of back problems at the sight of my last one. I changed my mind at 4:45, I offered to pay for it, just hand me my check book. The nurses hated me, I decided, otherwise they would call the man with the needle and get me some relief! Their flimsy excuse for not making the call, they didn’t have time! The Boy, 6 pounds, 13 ounces, wailed for the first time at 5pm! I guess they didn’t have time. He was loud, he was healthy. I was happy, Hubby was walking on cloud nine again. You would think he had something to do with it. heh. He too was in the nursery, again I was just handed a bottle. Again, I didn’t care, I had another boy and I was just happy to get my life back to normal. Little did I know what the next 18 years would hold.

The third time around, well, I thought I had the stomach flu for a month. I went out on the road with hubby, we made a lot of rest stops. We weren’t sleepy so we had to do something. Happy Jack’s my ass! For three months I puked at the smell of food. The boys, who were old enough to know how babies were made, weren’t happy to learn that mom and dad did such. They were embarrassed for us. During this time, hubby went down in his back and had back surgery, so this pregnancy was a hard one, I had to take care of hubby full time and the boys needed a momma and I was swelling and sick. Around the 6th month, I had no ankles, just a calf that went into my foot. It was a long 9 months, I finally got a bit of a break when on the 8th of July, 1999, my contractions started, I made all the necessary calls and we were on our way. When I got there, at about 6pm, they decided that my labor, though going fairly well, was not producing the strength of contractions they wanted. I was however happy with them. Painful but not too much. I was given pitocin to strengthen my contractions about 2 hours later. And strengthen they did, I yanked the sheets off the bed for the first good one, I threatened my husbands very life! I asked the nurses, “What the hell were they thinking?” They laughed, said the contractions were where they wanted them! The nurses said I would be there a while, get comfortable. I told them I had quick babies, they laughed and said not this time. At somewhere around 9:30, I again offered to pay for an epidural! I demanded that they give me my checkbook! They laughed and said there wasn’t time. The scariest thing I have ever heard in my life were the words, “UH, OH!!” from the doctor who was sitting between my legs. It’s never a good sign! I was immediately told to stop pushing, that is kinda scary coming from a doctor who has been telling you push with everything you have. Seems that Little Miss decided she wouldn’t enter this world easily. Her shoulder hung on my pelvic bone. And the doctor, CALMLY tells me, I am going to have to “go in” and get her shoulder loose or both of us will hurt. When he said go in, I ASSUMED he meant surgery. I was WRONG!!! He went elbow deep in areas I really thought were not made for such! Keep in mind, I had NO epidural, remember the nurses laughing at me? They gave me Demerol, is this stuff suppose to stop pain? It DOESN’T! I was unable to open my eyes, but I felt it all! Episiotomy, no. Seems he had no where to cut, I had delivered 2 previous children and had scars going both ways, so no cuts and a doctor elbow deep, didn’t want to see that anyway! The nurses, they felt bad for laughing at me! They gave me that bless your heart look of shame! I delivered Little Miss, 6 pounds, 5 ounces, at 10pm. I guess I showed them. She came out screaming and hasn’t shut up since! I breast fed her, they asked. I guess 10 years makes a difference. She was in the room with me, when I asked them to take her to the nursery so I could get some rest, my husband would go get her. (You see she was and is Daddy’s Little Girl and she gets what she wants!) She was awake when she was born and she didn’t intend to sleep. Still doesn’t! She held her head up and “watched” TV 12 hours after she was born. She has always had too much energy for her, or my, own good. This kid developed colic at 2 weeks! Kept it for 3 1/2 months!

There you have it folks, three pregnancies, three deliveries, three very different experiences. I don’t regret one minute of it. I often wonder if I am a nut! My kids drive me CRAZY!!!! I wouldn’t change a thing. Even Little Miss coming 10 years after The Boy, she requires a lot of attention and if the boys would have been younger, somebody would have gotten left out of the attention. And I doubt that it would have been her, she demands a lot of my time. Hope you enjoyed my walk down memory lane.

It’s a long post, but it is three kids, I couldn’t choose one so I shared all three. So until next time……

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!