I have a complaint! I know it is shocking, me complain. But I must complain lest my marriage shrivel up and die like an old apple. Like the old apple I found behind the garbage can! What is my complaint exactly …..Well let’s see…… The freakin garbage!
Now like all good, newly married people *read, young and stupid* me and my darling sweetie sat down and talked about who would do what as far as household chores. He would mow the yard, take the garbage out and down to the end of the driveway, and occasionally fire up the grill and throw hamburgers and hot dogs on it. I would do everything else, you know, cleaning, washing, cooking (even when he fires up ye ole grill, you gotta have something to eat besides hamburgers and apparently it ain’t chips, but that is a different gripe), raise the children, you know everything else! It seems that after 20 plus years the rules changed and not in my damn favor! Yes, he has done a bit of cleaning and cooking and a little washing, I give him credit, BUT it was only when I was unable to do it and the second I got up and did one thing like , oh, dump an ashtray, he was done.
But somewhere along the way, he quit getting the garbage bag out of the can. Yes, I could do it, yes, I could do it almost easier than I sit here and type, but the point is I don’t want to do it! It is NOT my job. We agreed he would do it.
Along the way he has continually griped that he hates it when the garbage bag is full and people *read, me and the children because he would never do this* pile stuff on the top. He would get the bag out and replace it right? OH. HELL. NO! What does my darling husband do? Why he grabs a Wal-Mart bag and sets it on the table and uses it. He does not get the bag out, he will stop and scream at anyone who will listen *read, not ME* that the garbage is full and it should be taken out, he then goes to the laundry room, where the garbage bags reside in their nice little box, and gets a Wal-Mart bag and puts his garbage in it and puts it on the kitchen table and walks away. This is usually the point that I say something about how it would be just as easy to take the garbage out. Maybe not as polite as I could but, hey, this is me. He, at this point, informs me, it is too full. WTF!!!! So I am the muscle woman around here? He-man or should I say He-woman? The world is in a pitiful shape if I am the one who has to defend it. Not only will he not get the bag out of the can, he waits until garbage day to get it out of the house. When I finally get tired of multiple bags sitting on the table or more recently the microwave, and I decide I have to get the bag out. I get it out and close it up and sit it in front of the garbage can. This is where it sits for days! We have a thing at the end of the driveway to put the garbage in to keep the dogs out of it, but will he take it out there? Uh, no, he just comes in and asks what that smell is. The house stinks, WHY? I don’t know, maybe the pile of garbage bags sitting in the kitchen?! I have at times taken it down, not hard to do, but again NOT MY JOB!
I just found a damn shriveled up apple behind the garbage can, I can only assume it was there because it fell off the top of the pile of garbage that was overflowing the bag. I can also assume my husband didn’t put it on top of the pile of garbage because he wouldn’t do such, because we all know how that drives him crazy. I can assume it was my darling daughter because she is the fruit and veggie eater in the house. Now the question remains, where the hell did the apple come from? We have not had apples in the house in I don’t know when! I can’t ask my husband because the first thing out of his mouth would be, “When was the last time you swept under the garbage can?” and my response would have to be, “When was the last time you took the bag out of the can?” And then it would be a whole argument about the piles of garbage on top of the bag and I just don’t want to go there again.
Another complaint….. When did it become unacceptable to have chips when you have grilled hamburgers and hot dogs? When did “they” decide that you must have potato salad, Cole slaw and baked beans? And not beans from a can but homemade baked beans with hamburger meat and everything. When was it decided that when my husband trots out the grill, to help me out by cooking, that it means the only thing he is helping with is cooking the meat? And here lately, he trots out the grill and fires it up and suddenly can’t watch it, so it is left to me to cook inside and outside. How is that helpful? It doesn’t matter what he grills, it turns in to more work for me. I love when he grills, it is one of the many things he does well *blushing*, but is the taste really worth the trouble. I have to cook everything else and have twice the clean up. Now when he had his smoker it was a different story, He would throw potatoes, corn on the cob, squash, onions, carrots and anything else he could find in a pot and throw it on there and we had a full meal and I only had to clean up one pan. Now the smoker has a hole in the bottom and it has gone away and we are back to the little grill again and he is driving me insane.
One more complaint…. Dog shit! Yes I can complain about my husband and dog shit in the same post, because this complaint has to do with both. Why is it when the dog takes a dump in the house, he can point out how it is rocket shaped or it has the perfect ice cream cone swirl to it and can at times even step in it, but he can not clean it up!?! Why is that my job? I have the same sense of smell as him. It stinks, I can smell it too. I will give him that he has never stepped in it on purpose, but to step in it not with just one foot but both feet? Yes, I know he didn’t know what it was, it was dark, he stepped and then he stepped again. I get it, but both feet? Yes, it only happened that one time, but I had to clean it up. He won’t clean up pee either.
Now I realize my little gripes about hubby don’t amount to a hill of beans to those who have real problems, but these things are driving me crazy and if I don’t gripe, I may act on the crazy feelings and then I don’t know if they would let me blog from jail or the nut house. So gripe I must.
Seriously I read a few blogs where the people are dealing with such big things, and I thank my lucky stars I have three wonderful, rotten, disrespectful, mouthy, nerve wracking children and a great husband who drives me insane, gets on my nerves, harasses me for sex all the time grabs my ass every time the children look away loves me. I wonder why I blog and gripe, I have so much more to do like clean and wash to be thankful for. For those of you who I read and read me, laugh that’s why I blog. For those of you I don’t read because you don’t let me know you are here, laugh that’s why I do it. For those of you I read and you don’t read me, well, you aren’t seeing this but, laugh. For all of you that find me humorous and let me know, Thank YOU!!! My husband often comments, now that he has seen my emails of comments, that I am HILARIOUS, just ask my readers! He also says I wouldn’t be funny if it weren’t for them, I have tried to tell him it is how I tell the story that makes my posts humorous. He points out if not for them, I would not have stories to tell. Damn him! So to my family, who to the best of my knowledge has never seen this place and I hope you never do, THANK YOU! Thank you for giving me such great misery that I have to look for the humor in it and write about it. For without your constant aggravation, I would not have a blog and I would be the crazy lady on TV who just run down her family in the middle of the road. So until next time………….
HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
