I can’t come up with a snappy title or anything

Ah, the first week of summer vacation is almost behind us! Only, what, 14 million to go. In case you are wondering…..I am still holding to my epiphany! Surprised? Me too kinda. I am really a pushover at heart when it comes to family. Complete strangers….I can rip their heads off at a moments notice when provoked, but family….. I have to live with their pouting.

Little Miss finally got her room done. Took her 3 days, but she did it, with much griping, hissies, and tantrums. I will run the vacuum today and maybe steam clean the carpet. Yes, I am running the vacuum….Because 1.) I only have one and though it is a crappy little thing that doesn’t want to pick up anything, it is the only one I have and 2.) There are way too many objects for her to run into and though it is a crappy little thing that doesn’t want to pick up anything, none of the outer pieces are broken and I would like to keep it that way.  It really isn’t up to my standards…..I am a bit picky and sorta a neat freak. But it looks a lot better. I am a bit more in to the organizing side of it and she is a lot more into the “it’s not in the floor, but actually put up” side.

The Boy, well, he hasn’t really done anything, but I haven’t done for him so it evens out. He has help his dad some so we are chalking it up as a success. This weekend he is going out of town to help a friend’s parents move hay and he is helping another friend with some stuff, so I guess maybe he would help God himself, if he felt the need to. heh!! Though I am betting both jobs pay some and right now, with lawyer fees and fines, he is all about the money.

Hubby has been sick for a couple of days. Actually off work yesterday. Fever and aches. Fluish type of thing. He is all about the whining. heh! He  has slept mostly and  complained only when he is awake. I do feel for him, he looks ruff!

Hubby did manage to trade his truck for me a  car. It needs a fuel pump and the transmission has some sort of issue, but I am told it is an easy fix. I also overheard something about the power windows, but I didn’t catch what was wrong, only that it is a $30. fix. I haven’t even sit my ass in it, I haven’t a clue if it is a fit. It is a cute car, a bit bigger than mine, I don’t know. It is a 2000 Oldsmobile Alero….

Yes, it is jacked up in the rear end, that is where the fuel pump is. Maybe this weekend it will get fixed and I can sit in the seat and find out if I can reach the pedals. Maybe not, if hubby isn’t better. I may put The Boy and his friend on it I am sure they need something to do besides get in trouble. heh!! For the record….I never agreed to this trade and if I don’t like it…..I can bitch about it til the cows come home. If I like it, I am sure it will be my idea from the start.

Not a lot of yard work was accomplished, we have been having a lot of pop up showers and that makes for a muddy mess in the yard. I did manage to transplant 9 peonies  into my square box in the driveway. They had to be moved, my mums had taken over the area they were in and they were absolutely going to get choked out if  didn’t move them. I still have plenty of room for more flowers. I think I will head to mom’s this weekend and see what she has and maybe the “somewhat” local flea market. Always a good place to check. Last year I got quite a bit there for fairly cheap. And if all else fails, Hel-Mart and Lowes always have a lot of flowers.

I also would like to find a few Crepe Myrtles and a few Dogwoods for the front yard. I would love to find a Magnolia tree, but the cheapest I found those last year was like 75 bucks for a gallon size! It was small and would have taken years to grow big enough that I wasn’t afraid Hubby would have mowed it down. HUMMM…Mom has a huge one in her front yard……Bulldozer, loader, log trailer…..think she would miss a 50 foot tree?

Dad came home with tons of meds, but without oxygen. The doctors have decided that it is some sort of Fibrosis, but not the kind that hardens the lung tissue, and pneumonia. They aren’t sure if it is typical or atypical, but the meds are for both. He has steroids and cough medicine and antibiotics and I don’t know what all, but he is happy to be home and having real food and tea. I am not sure of the no oxygen part. They checked his oxygen level with oxygen and it was at 96% and off oxygen after 15 minutes of walking around the hospital halls and it was at 88%. But I am no doctor.

Guess that is it, you are all caught up…..so until next time………..

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a epiphany

Well, I guess it isn’t an epiphany, because a epiphany is something you just realize and I have known this for a while I have just turned a blind eye to it. I guess it is more of the end of my rope, my wit’s end, the last straw, the end of my sanity (or maybe the beginning of it). In other words, the shit has hit the fan and I am done….D-O-N-E!!!! The kids finally pushed me over the edge. I have three children, but since one got married and moved out, he will not be involved or blamed for this one. But please do not think I believe him to be perfect or special, he is just like the others, only he is not here to shoulder any part of the blame.

You all know how my last couple of weeks have gone, you know that I have remained level headed, more or less calm and all that other good shit that has kept me from killing anyone. On Monday, that shit came to an abrupt end. Oh, I didn’t lose it, I continued to remain calm, cool and collected. But I finally realized my children are little SHITS! Spoiled rotten to the core and wouldn’t lift a finger to help God himself unless there was something in it for them!!! They expect to be waited on and done for and never offer to give thanks for the fact that I haven’t killed  them! Ask them to do something and if they will not get some sort of reward, well, you would think that I have just asked them to do some sort of ritualistic homicide!

I say, “Clean your room.”  They hear, “Go rip the baby from the stomach of that pregnant woman and drink it’s blood!”  I say, “Your legs aren’t broke, go get your own drink.” They hear, “Bring me the heart of a child.” It is the only thing I can think that would make them get their pants in a wad so easily.

All weekend, it was small things. Being outside only to come in and find that the house looked like a war zone. I wasn’t in the house, but they managed to dirty every dish and glass in the cabinets and they would all be found scattered throughout the house. Me, outside working my ass off, they come out wanting me to “find” something for them. Well, Monday rolled around and I was tired, give out and Little Miss couldn’t be bothered to make herself a sandwich and something to drink. Did she ask me to do it? Oh, NO! Her exact words were, “Get me a sandwich and something to drink!” Oh, hell, NO! She did it herself, finally. Then the kicker a little later……Hubby needed The Boy to go to my parent’s house with him. Hubby was going to level up the driveway and figured the yard needed to be mowed and requested that The Boy go and help him. Considering that my dad has been in the hospital for a week and my mom has been trying to tend to everyone, you’d think that he would be able to help out a little. OH. MY. HELL. He lost it. Why did he have to go, why did he have to do everything, whine, whine, whine. I told him to keep his ass here. He went, but not without much griping.

That is when it hit me. And hit me hard! My children are BRATS!!!! Not those ugly, big-headed freaks of the barbie world, but honest to God, they think they are too good to do anything, BRATS! And I decided right then and there……I. AM. DONE!!!! Stick a fork (or a spork, for BurghBaby)  in me, D-O-N-E!!!!! No more slavery for me. The chains fell off and I was 265 pounds lighter! (About their combined weight, go figure.)

I kinda started right then coming to decisions that will affect my children from now on. The hell with them, I love them, but I was not put on this earth to slave away for them. They can do shit for themselves! (Can I get an AMEN?) They are now responsible people who are capable of doing some things for themselves! (Can I get a HALLELUJAH?) They can get their own drinks, fix their own sandwiches, clean their own rooms, pick up after themselves, bring their clothes to the laundry room for me to wash, put their own clothes up, get things for themselves! (How about another AMEN!) I won’t ask them to cook, or wash dishes, wash clothes, or clean the house. I have to do that anyway. That is the job I chose when I agreed to marry and become a housewife. Those things are not my favorite things but I will do that with little griping.

But I am done coddling those children, I will defend them to the ends of the earth, if they are accused of something they did not do, but I am done covering their asses when they screw up. I will protect them with my life, if I need to, to keep them safe, but I am done jumping in front of cars because they refuse to open their eyes and see the danger of running in the street! I will not argue with them and give in when they whine and gripe. I will not listen to the rude way they speak to me. Rudeness=deafness (on my part). I will not jump and snarl when they cop that attitude with me. I won’t take the bait.

It dawned on me, my children could care less about me. Little Miss is all about the little things, she could careless about how I feel, what I want, how tired I am, it is the little stuff that adds up to show me how she really feels. Perfect example………

We were watching Twilight and the part where Bella goes to the dance studio to save her mom came on and and I heard these words….”She is a nut. There is no way I would face a vampire to save mom, dad maybe, but not mom.”  Yeah, that was a great mommy moment. Made me all warm and fuzzy about all the love.

And The Boy……He is all about the major things………Well, I have had a few (HAHAHAHAHAHA, few my ass!) beers, yes, lets drive my mom’s car, who cares that it is the only mode of transportation she has. Where he should have said something along the lines of……..I have had A beer, there is no way in hell that I am risking wrecking my mom’s car!!!!         

So there you have it…..My epiphany. I am going to make my children’s lives miserable (or so they think). As I type this Little Miss has been cleaning at her room for 2 days. She has had no fewer than 15 meltdowns and tantrums. I had thought if she put an effort forward and it turned out to be just too much for her, I would HELP, not do, but help. UH, no. she is on her own. Once she is done, I will steam clean her carpet, but that is it. The Boy, well, he hasn’t done a lot, but I haven’t done anything for him either. His dad put his clothes in his room, but they have not been put up, as far as I am concerned if they fall in the floor and the cat lays on them, he can wear them cat hair and all. If they can’t bring their clothes to the laundry on Monday morning when I start the wash, well, I guess they will wear dirty clothes or go nakkid. And as far as supper goes, they will eat what I fix or they can fix for themselves, clean it up and all or just plain go hungry! Good Bye Pushover Mom……Hello Bitch Mom!!!!! Until next time…………..

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!!

The weekend is finally over

It has been a long weekend….Holiday beside. Hubby came home with a bulldozer on Friday afternoon. Wonderful to work for people who will allow you to borrow their stuff. We had a brush pile that the road has been adding to for about 15 years and it was time for it to go. TVs, car parts, swing sets, wood, furniture….you get the idea, we had a wooded area and they had shit they wanted to get rid of…..they thought perfect match…not anymore. So he had our weekend planned. You know me….before pictures were thought of part of the way through  the project… but here would be a few of the during……

I haven’t a clue what might be found in this pile of crap.

This pile either. Lots and lots of years and years of disposal of everything. Can you say mosquitoes?

The Boy is running the bulldozer, he got quite good at it. He has run some equipment but this was the first bulldozer.

I thought this area was safe, I was wrong. It seems most of these trees make hubby nervous when the wind gets up. So a good  share had to go.

Same with these trees, same general area, just more of them.

Remember the hole, burned what we could and covered it up with dirt. Impressive, huh?

Fewer trees. Opens the place up nicely. Though I am going to miss the shade cover.

My swing, that is laying down on the ground, is going in that shady area. The yard looks huge again.

Remember 400 hundred million years ago when hubby made me this nice little square flower bed in the center of the driveway? It had turned in to my FIL’s burn pit…..Not anymore. That baby was hand filled with dirt hauled from this little yard. Yeppers, I had a shovel in my hands most of the weekend.

Those trees that went away, well Little Miss found a use for the notches that were made before they were pulled down. Cute, huh?

See swing back up and it was enjoyed last night.

This is the future site of the little waterfall and pond we want. I think a waterfall off that big rock will look nice. Needless to say there is still tons of work to be done to it, but there is only so much you can do with a huge bulldozer. Now comes the hand work….Pick, ax, shovel, back breaking labor.

See I can even enjoy the view from the swing. I plan on some flowers, my birdbath, loads of shit.  The Boy is looking forward to the fish being added, even though I told him bow fishing would strictly be prohibited.

(Ignore the tractor in the background, we have discovered it is waaay too small to accomplish the dirt moving we now require.)

We still have a ton of work to do, but that pile of garbage is mostly gone. We had to leave some because we didn’t want the woods that separate us from our neighbor on that side gone, so we have a bit of hand work to do. It is not that we don’t like him, but we just don’t want him to see everything we do over here. There are a few saplings in the wooded area I would like to do away with, but a chainsaw will work just fine for that. And some of the vines need to go. And there is a lot of leveling and dirt  moving yet to be done. I think I have more than enough to do to keep me busy this summer. There were quite a few snakes run out and I am giving them a wide area of escape before  dig in to much.

So what do you think? I worked my tail off, Hubby and The Boy had big equipment to use, all mine was arms, back, and legs. I am surprised that  I am able to move. But in the end it will be more than worth it.

Come back tomorrow, I had an epiphany this weekend and I will you all about  it. Until next time………….

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!

AH, and now comes SUMMER

What a wonderful life I am having! Today is the last day for school, a half a day. Not a big deal….PE, lunch and home more or less. A fun day all around, right? So why is it that I woke up Little Miss and she growled and complained until the bus pulled up in front of the driveway? I get it….SHE. DID. NOT. WANT. TO. GO. Yeah, got it. I got it when she slung the covers back and growled that she hated school. I got it when she insisted  that they weren’t going to do anything today. I got it when she continually growled that she didn’t want to go. I kept my cool….told her she only had 4 hours, that it was the last day, that it would be over before she knew it. She wasn’t buying it.

But go she did. Like I was going to keep her home with all the griping and complaining she was doing. MAYBE, if she hadn’t pitched a hissy….No probably even if she hadn’t.  Really 4 hours wasn’t going to kill her. SO I am getting a look at what my summer is going to be. Her griping, The Boy stuck, me stuck, the Hellions….*shudder* Just shoot me now! Really if you love me…..BANG! It will be quick….I hope painless……..and I wouldn’t have to clean up the mess. Put me out of the misery, that I am sure, will be my life for the next foreseeable future weeks.

So how did our little trip go yesterday? I can say I was right to dread it all. The lawyer…..Good, bad…..The last one won’t count as his first, but it can be used to decide his punishment. He is going to try to keep him out of jail. No promises. He is going to try to deal with the DA for no jail time, but he said it would depend on which one he got and what his mood was that day. If the DA is not willing to forgo jail, then we can only hope for a lenient judge. We are looking at July for court, but the lawyer is going to find out when and let us know.

The dentist……AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! Are straight teeth really that big of a deal? Four teeth will have to be pulled to make room for her other teeth to go in to the spaces they are suppose to be. Then 28-30 months in braces then 18-24 months in the retainer. Visits about once a month for adjustments. All to the tune of ………..*cough, choke, cough* 5,000 bucks! How was it the dentist put it?…….. Only about $400. down and a couple of hundred dollars a month for a couple of years. *cough, choke, can’t breathe, cough, wheeze* Oh, is THAT all. Pocket change…..*hyperventilating* The nice lady up front said, “Well, you are just about a car payment a month.” She didn’t know she was being so damn funny! 

Went by to find out about my car. The man agreed to $125. and the title and we would call it even. I can’t find the title. Yea, losing my mind is sounding better every day. They wouldn’t allow me to get close to it. What? I was going to pick it up and put it in my pocket and walk away? I will be able to get my personal stuff when we have met his terms. A real sweetheart, I am telling you. I did get a better look at the car. OMG, even the rim is smashed, the passenger side is crumpled, the tire is blown. Life support isn’t an option, dammit, I had hoped …. maybe. ….. a few transplants …… a little time ……… maybe a few stitches here and there ………..  not good as new but with love and care and a bit of parts and paint ………. No, not an option. Where there was false hope, there is none left. She is dead, never to roll down the road again. So I am walking. Better for my health right.

You may think I am a bit irrational about this car, I guess I am. I am not a……. car person ………I can’t just jump into a car and take off. I am a nervous driver, a VERY nervous driver. Hell, I hate to drive. I don’t like too small, I hate too big. I have had this car for many years, she had her quirks, just like me. But I LOVED her. My Bessie took me where I needed to go and she did it with very few complaints……. as long as it was me driving.  She was fun to drive. The sun roof, the get up and go once she got going, the stereo blaring…… She was going down, I know that. I knew I was going to have to give her up, but I still had time…….. time to find another Bessie. The perfect size and shape, the just so-so seat that would allow me to reach the gas pedal (I have really short legs and some car seats just don’t go far enough forward for me to reach the pedals without being stretched out and uncomfortable.) I loved my Caviler, it was perfect for me. It was mine, no one else wanted it, she was too small for them. But, my hope died yesterday, just like Bessie died in that damn ditch Friday night. They just don’t make them like her anymore.

So what to do now? I don’t have the money to run out and buy another car. I can’t afford a new payment, especially with braces now on the horizon. The Boy is going to fix the Blazer and give it to us to replace Bessie. But it is too big, I can’t drive it. Hubby can and he loves it, so he will be happy. Me not so much. I will be walking ……. Hubby said we were looking, but he looks at cars and sees what he likes. Sees that he fits in the driver’s seat, that we all fit nicely, that mechanically it is sound, you know, the manly things. He doesn’t look to see if it is my size. He is 6′2….I am 5′0….big difference there. I will just let him find something in a few months and I will drive it in emergencies and such. Maybe in a few months, we can put up enough to get something decent. Who knows.

Dad is still in the hospital, but he seems better. Doctor still doesn’t know anything. I doubt he will be out anytime during the weekend but…. Grandaddy didn’t have the surgery on his cataracts. He had gotten confused and it was just an appointment to set up the surgery and get all the measurement things they needed. So mom was relieved. Anyway, I have got to go and get a little work done before school lets out for the summer and my peace and quiet is gone. HA. Until next time……………

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another flyby…..

I am in a hurry, so much to do today…so little time it seems. The Boy goes to the lawyer and Little Miss is off to the dentist and we are all off to the hospital. Then there is housecleaning and dog tending…..And of course I must work in that nervous breakdown that is just around the bend. heh! So today you get quick paragraphs and short updates…..

The Boy……. He came home last night. There is still much to talk about, but we are giving him a few days before we sit him down. I think it will make for a calmer discussion. He did say it was nice to be home….Suck up. heh! We should know more at what he  is looking at this afternoon. No more youthful offender stuff for him, but we should find out if the other one will be an issue. We called about the court date fiasco…No one knows anything. The state trooper has until June 2 to turn in his tickets, so we were told to call around the 4th to find out anything for sure. The nice lady did say she would lean toward the later date, but she wouldn’t guarantee anything.

Hubby has a smile that somewhat reaches his eyes. (Hum wonder where that saying came from? Distractions come in the form of books, too, you know.) (I didn’t know what that phrase really meant until I saw it with my own eyes.) He is much more relaxed. As soon as The Boy came into the driveway, you could see the tension melt away. Not that is is going to let him off the hook, but he has much less to worry about now, knowing where he is and what he is doing.

Little Miss was also ecstatic to see him. She met him on the porch and he came through the door with her hanging from his neck. She did truly miss him. Her dental appointment is today and we find out what they intend to do about the braces and how much that is going to cost us. I am really looking forward to that. NOT! She has today and til noon tomorrow in school, then 3 months of summer vacation………Lord grant me the patients to deal with that! heh!!

Dad hasn’t gotten any news from his biopsy, but they were able to turn down his oxygen yesterday and his levels stayed up. BUT, they checked his sugar levels and they have been high. He has never had diabetes, but his dad was borderline and his grandmother had it. SO they are going to keep a check on it. I hope it is the steroids they have him on, but I don’t know. Most all of his test have been inconclusive, so it is still a waiting game. He asked to go home and the doctor told him that he needed to stick around there. So they are going day to day.

Mom is give out, staying with him and trying to keep up with us, I told her not to worry about us, but that is like telling a kid with chicken pox to not scratch, it does no good. Granddaddy is having cataract surgery today and she is torn. She is taking him and getting him home, but she isn’t sure if he can be by himself or if she needs to stay with him and with daddy she is torn about what to do. I want to scream at her that he has two other children who could take care of him, but they won’ t and we both know that. I will offer to do whatever she needs me to do. Hubby has plans to mow and try to keep the yard going up there and I will be there as she needs me, but…… she won’t ask for help. 

SIL and MIL have seemed to grow bored with tormenting me. The calls have slacked and after the alcohol wore off SIL was much calmer. Hubby is dealing with them as much as he can. They just seem to attack when he is working. Hubby tries to make it easy on me, maybe I should rip somebody’s head off and they would leave me the hell alone. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Ah, but whose? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

And me…….The same. I am glad he is home, so I know he is safe and not in trouble. I still want my car, no matter how irrational that sounds. But if we can sell it for the towing cost I will let it go. I think I want it here, because it is the thing that will send me over the edge and it is better that the car gets my rage than anything or anyone else. Broken windows and kicked in doors are much better on a totalled car than my home. All I need is a baseball bat and a wide area if uninterrupted swinging. Sounds fun, doesn’t it? Yeah, maybe I am not as irrational as I thought, I am smiling at the thought of getting my anger out and not damaging my house or anyone else.

So I think that is everything. I shall let you know how everything goes………Until next time………..

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it has hit the fan…..

This week has sucked big, huge donkey trotters!!!!! I have kept my cool, I have managed not to kill anyone! But I swear to you…. my in-laws really want me to go off the deep end!!!! I think they are taking great pleasure in their desire to drive me insane! Here is my week thus far……

Monday, My MIL called and talked bullshit for 15 minutes before she garnered the nerve to ask if The Boy was coming home. I told her I didn’t know, he had totalled my car (not mentioning the arrest) and was somewhat avoiding us. She asked who he hit, I told her a ditch and some trees, apparently. She asked how bad…..UH, TOTALLED!!!!! I informed her he was suppose to get it this week sometime and she could see it for herself. She……said……WE did not want it here! *thinking here not speaking* WE DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHETHER OR NOT MY CAR COMES HOME!!!!!! MY CAR….MY FUCKING DECISION!!!!! IF I WANT TO GET IT HOME AND BURY IT IN THE FRONT YARD AND PLANT FLOWERS IN THE TRUNK, IT IS MY DECISION!!!!!!!!!!NOT A WE DECISION!!!!!!!!!!! But I controlled it and told her, it was coming home. (Let us get this out of the way…….If I do not go and get my car, they will sell it after 90 days, get…oh….a hundred bucks scrap for it….then they SUE ME for the remainder of the bill. I, being the rightful owner of said car, would be responsible for whatever part of the impound, towing service and storage bill they did not get when they sold it. So the idea of a $2000. bill hitting me in a few months is a big factor in getting my car home. I can handle losing my stuff *though I cringe at my personal stuff being lost forever* the bill I will be responsible for makes me want to scream.)

I finally get off the phone with her after another 15 minutes of her rather sorry attempt at being sympathetic. I swear to you she called another 30 times! All bullshit reasons. She was trying to get me either riled up or get more info out of me. She wasn’t getting either! Autopilot…..My new best friend!!!!

Bug was graduating Monday night and I really needed to go to the hospital to see dad and though I didn’t talk to SIL, hubby said she was a bit upset that we weren’t going to make it to graduation. I intended to get to the hospital early and then swing by graduation on my way home….MIL was going to take Little Miss with her so that she was sure to not miss it…Well, they kept changing the leave time and that screwed me up. First they were leaving at 5, then 5:30 then finally it was 6:30…..Graduation was at 7:30, I missed it. Bug seemed to get it, but SIL has a way of getting her feelings hurt at the drop of a hat, she hasn’t said anything, but I know she was mad.

At the hospital, we noticed dad’s mind is a bit off to the left. Kinda distracted and off the mark. His mother was that way, lack of oxygen to the brain, and it makes me worry that we have a great deal to worry about in his future. They had run test and are running more but as of yet we haven’t a big clue as to what the problem is and whether or not they can do anything about it. It looks like now that when he comes home it will be on oxygen, at least temporarily, they can’t get his level over 93% with the oxygen on high. Of course we haven’t a clue when he is coming home either. So worry number one million and forty nine……

So that brings us to Tuesday…… Not a bad DAY, the evening is a different story. After getting a majority of my work done, I spent the biggest chunk of the day getting through hundreds of emails that I have been ignoring far too long and playing around on Facebook. Gawd, I love distractions! MIL only called 25 times to drive me insane with stupid ass questions! I thought the day was going well. Bug came to visit, she seemed understanding of the whole graduation, hospital thing and all was right in the world for her. Hubby came home and was pretty darn good, still hovering around depression wanting The Boy home and worrying about him, but all in all he was easily distracted.

And then, the phone rang. Never before has the sound of the phone bothered me, it wasn’t the ringing, it was the ensuing conversation…..SIL……I could hear her talking, I could tell the tone of the conversation, I could hear hubby’s answers and I could see that she was upsetting him. Apparently she had a dozen or so too many beers and was thinking about the bond she signed for The Boy. And her and her husband were feeding off each other as they talked about it. SIL has always been a worrywart, BIL has always had a bit of a quick temper,  but this was……. RIDICULOUS!!!!!

She was concerned that if The Boy didn’t show up in court on his appointed day, she was responsible for $1000. bond. Well, yeah, IF he doesn’t show up, which he will! So no worry. But she won’t let it go, she wants to talk to him. She called and talked to him and he assured her he would be in court. Since he has 2 separate dates and he is not sure which one he has to be at, he said he would call the courthouse in a few days, once the tickets have been turned in, and find out which day he has to be there. The tickets say, June 9th and the bond papers say, July 11th. Should be over right? Wrong, she call hubby back and commences to go on and on about how she doesn’t have 1000 bucks to just dish out because The Boy doesn’t show up in court. Then BIL gets on the phone and commences to get on his high horse about all of it. They want to call him back and “talk” to him about being in court and how much it is going to cost them when he doesn’t show up! They insist he should be home so that “we” can keep an eye on him.

OH I LOST IT!!!!!! I wanted to fling the phone through the window and kick over the glass tables and do whatever damage it took to make me feel better. To get the anger out of my system. I wanted to scream and yell at the top of my lungs! I wanted to hurt somebody! I was seeing red and nothing else, I wasn’t thinking very straight. But then……Autopilot! I knew that I would have to clean up all of the glass and settle Little Miss down after I blew. I knew it would do NO good. I resisted the urge to call SIL back. I knew she was drinking and I knew she worried and that BIL wasn’t helping by letting her go bat shit crazy with her worries.

The thing is…..it wasn’t The Boy……I was mad at. I was mad at SIL. She was more or less saying my son was a sorry ass human who didn’t give a shit about what it was going to cost her. He was irresponsible and he didn’t care. Not only that but she thought that of us too! Like we wouldn’t worry about getting him to court, if for some odd reason he had no thought of going. She would have to think so little of us, to go off the deep end like that.

To make matters worse is she harped on me Saturday to take it easy on him….To not push him over the edge. How teens commit suicide over things like this, the possibility of jail time and all. To let him know I was mad but not to preach at him, not to let hubby get on to him, not to do anything that might make him think that he should die to make it better. I was the picture of nervous energy Saturday, there was nothing in my face or attitude that said I was going to kill him the second I saw him. I wanted him out of jail. period. I would deal with the rest later. Nothing but Autopilot since seeing him. Hubby has calmed down greatly and has said he wants him home.

So what does she do? She calls him preaching and I am sure making him feel so wonderful about what he did. Lets him know she has NO faith what so ever in him to actually show up in court, to leave her owing the bond. And of course, I can only assume that she made him feel like he wouldn’t be bothered by that at all. That was how she made hubby feel. And she has the nerve to say he needs to come home! Yeah, I am sure he is all about wanting to come home and deal with her every night! I know once he comes home she will continually harp on him. Yeah, he is in a big hurry to come home to that. He already knows he has to deal with his dad, but add them to the list and oh yeah, he is chomping at the bit to get here I am sure! Let’s not push him over the edge, yeah, she is really helping with that. To boot she got hubby riled up again! She is so fucking helpful!!!!! I was glad I was able to calm before I did any damage.

Little Miss took the opportunity to push every button she could find on me……I snapped at her, she had been warned! I apologized to her for snapping, but explained that she was wrong for trying to push me. She seemed to get it. I got a call from The Boy this morning, he wanted me to get him an appointment with our lawyer….the one who we had last time. I called and he goes tomorrow at 3:30…..Little Miss goes to the dentist at 4:45…..we should be able to do both. Hopefully we will get an idea of what he is looking at. Hubby says we have to help him out. Not in a way that tells him he is forgiven and he isn’t in any kind of trouble, but more monetary as in a loan to get things going. He is in the process of trying to sell my car to someone for the towing service cost, that would help I guess.

As I sit here on Autopilot again and listen to my “acid” tunes, I wonder if it is going to get any better. I know it has to….. I wonder who will set me off and, after last night, whether or not I will hurt whomever it is. I had wondered which way I would go, inside my mind to hide or outward in a rage…..I think I got my answer last night…… Now I am really worried. Until next time……….

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!

Just a flyby….

Went to visit dad in the hospital and though he had more color than he has had in several weeks, he was loopy. He just stared off in space several times. He isn’t on any new medicine, so I don’t know what was up. His oxygen level was up to 94%, it was 89% last night. They have him on oxygen so it is only to be expected that it would go up. They did a CT scan today, took 7 vials of blood and did a TB test. Tomorrow they are doing a biopsy on his left lung. They aren’t saying a whole lot. Maybe a fungal infection, maybe his psoriasis, I don’t think they are real sure. The only sure thing is that both his lungs are almost completely full of fluid and the spot on his left lung has increased in size and though it has never shown in his right lung it is starting to take over. Whatever it is, it is quickly becoming a big problem.

On The Boy front…..He still hasn’t come home and hasn’t made up his mind if he is. I did call about my car….If it was gotten today it was $295. to get it, everyday adds 20 bucks for storage. The guy ask if I was sure I wanted it. I told him yes, and he said to make sure they came in a roll back, because the car was completely dead. As soon as I can get to my car, I will get pictures and post them, but so far I can’t get close to it.

Little Miss has tried to be good, but she does have a tendency to find a nerve and stomp on it, she is still doing that, but I haven’t lost it once. Autopilot…..I think I will live here forever. Hubby has calmed down to the point of damn near depression. He is disappointed in The Boy but he wants him home. He told him as much this afternoon. Me….Autopilot….nothing bothers me now…..I love it. I have come close to losing it twice, but I was able to rein it in before I blew. I think I will go for now. This is a nighttime post and I am tired. Internet is still acting stupid, so I post and do while I can. Until next time………….

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!

Autopilot

That’s where I am and I intend to stay there for the foreseeable future. I like it here, I function normally…I eat, though it makes me sick, I talk, breathe, my heart pumps, all the necessary things to keep me going…. I know what is going on and I know how to react to it…..but I feel nothing. No anger, no sadness, no relief, no anything. But I like it here. It has been a bad few days and the best I can do is autopilot. What I fear most is what is going to cause me to let go and feel again. Somebody speaking to me? Somebody asking me a simple question? Little Miss being completely herself…She has been warned to be better than normal so that she won’t be the one to push me over to the dark side….? I fear it, I know it is coming and I can do nothing about it……..Will I explode or will I implode? I worry that I will strike out at whom ever it is that sets me off and I will regret it. I worry that I will start crying and not be able to stop. What is the cause of my plight? A number of things are to be held responsible……..

Friday I went to the doctor and after being told 6 months ago that all of my test were fine, I find that one test was on the high end of border line and he wants to retest me in 4 months and see if it has changed. What is the test for? Lupus. I have checked it out, it really doesn’t fit completely , but it does cover some things. I have chosen not to dwell on it, I figure it is not close enough that it will actually be the final diagnosis, but I haven’t been to medical school either, so what the hell do I know. The doctor seems to be swinging to an autoimmune disorder because of a new symptom, who the hell knows. Actually I am beyond caring anymore.

On the way home from the  doctors, The Boy calls, he hasn’t been home in 2 days and was just wondering where we were. AH, he needs transportation, he doesn’t offer up this info but darling dear figures it out. He says he is not to borrow my car. So as we pull in to the drive we find he is freshly shaven and cleaned up all nice and purty, he is also in need of a mode of transportation since the Blazer finally jumped time and broke the timing chain (Or that is what I understand happened to it.) I, like a goober and gullible person that I am, figure why not let him borrow it, he is only going to a friend’s house and nowhere else. I swear to you, if I am lyin, I am dyin, those were his words….I am going to Rerun’s and no where else. I figure if I say no then I will have to put up with the whining and griping and it is date night after all, so why screw up my night.

The night goes well and I sleep well. Hubby had to work and I had the whole house to myself, enjoying the peace and quiet, I so rarely get….The phone is ringing off the hook….the same damn number…hang up and call right back….I don’t know the number…..I ignore it and curse every time the phone shrieks at me……8 times in a freakin roll….over and over. I had decided to answer the next time and it happened to be my mother that time. She has received a collect call from a county inmate….she didn’t accept charges, then thought of The Boy…….The number comes up again, I answer it…….Of course it is The Boy. *CUE SHAKING*

He only had 3-4 beers, he felt fine, he went around a curve to fast and ditched my car, the police were called and he was arrested for DUI. He is OK. The passengers are OK. Nobody left in the ambulance that came out, so he assumes no one was hurt. Please come get him. *CUE TWITCHING*

I called his father….I was told to leave him there, NOT to go get him…..We did it once and he was told we would not do it again…… I am  in protective mommy mode and can’t do this. I call my mom, who I think would go get him. I call a bail bondsman, you have to have a job for 6 months to post bail. Completely cuts out my parents….Dad is retired and mom hasn’t had a job since the 60s. I call his dad again……I am told in no uncertain terms he will not go get him, if I go get him, he is to be out of the house before he gets home from work…….

I called SIL, she agrees to take me to get him and sign the bond. When I see him, he has a huge knot on the side of his face and he is limping………But after a quick check I feel that he sprained his ankle and his jaw definitely isn’t broke, he is talking way to much. The car is impounded and he hasn’t a clue which wrecker service has it. He isn’t sure how much damage is done, but both air bags blew. TOTALLED my car. We carry him directly to Rerun’s house. He is told he can stay there a few days until his dad cools off.

The second his father walks through the door I know that not having him here was the best idea I have ever had. To say he blew a gasket would be the understatement of the century. I have a huge hole in my kitchen wall! Better the kitchen than me, but still. BIL needed in the shop, Hubby didn’t need no stinkin key…..He kicked the door open for BIL. He kicked a truck door, then commenced to throw it across the yard. In all fairness the door was not attached to the truck and was a junk door but….The worst part…I. COULD. NOT. CALM. HIM. DOWN. I have always been able to calm him, not this time. I called my mom told her to keep Little Miss a bit longer, she did not need to witness this. After what seemed to be an eternity, he finally calmed down enough that I felt comfortable enough to be near him. In fact I was able to call him He-man Pissed off pants and he actually chuckled. The storm had not blown over but it was not as frightening.

So Sunday, you would think it couldn’t get worse…I am on autopilot, because I can’t afford to lose it while hubby deranged might still make an appearance……But you would be wrong. I get a call that my dad has been admitted to the hospital with congestive heart failure. Both lungs are completely full of fluid. *CUE NERVOUS BREAKDOWN* I had found out earlier where my car was impounded…I was told that we probably didn’t want it back….It was completely totalled. Since I had been assured by my mother that my father wasn’t in immediate danger of drowning in his own bodily fluid, I told hubby I wanted to go see my car………..(It would be the little green baby in the picture.)

Worst mistake ever!!!!!! I lost it! MY CAR!!! MY BABY!!! The whole right side is shoved back, the hood is in an inverted V shape, the passenger side door will not even close. I could only look at it from a distance, but I could tell, The Boy and his friends were lucky to have gotten out without severe injuries! I couldn’t stop crying. Then AUTOPILOT kicked back in and I was fine.

We went to the hospital and I never said a word. Dad was doing pretty good. They don’t feel like it is his heart causing the retention of fluid. And they are planning a ton of test to try to find the cause and they are pumping him full of diuretics to get rid of the fluid he has.

When we returned home, Hubby called to talk to The Boy……He is getting my car sometime this week, he has been informed he is to bring it home. I want to cry over it, to say I am sorry, to get my stuff out…….To chain The Boy to the car and force him to see what he did for the next 150 years. To think about how bad him or his friends could have been hurt. But I doubt he brings the car home personally, he will just have it delivered to me. He isn’t home yet and I have no idea when or if he is coming back. He says it is time for him to move……I hope it is just fear…. that he will come home again. But right now……Maybe it is best for Autopilot to stick around and him to steer clear…….I think daddy deranged is gone, but I am not real sure of his wife. I need time………Until next time………

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!

Well, Dang….

I don’t know, I am going to give this a try. Sporadic Internet at best, damn rain and saturating the ground so that the lines are soaked. I don’t know how long it will stay up and I have a ton of things. We have had a bee sting and a rescue and a lot of dearest darling time. The last, as much as I enjoy having hubby around, well, it doesn’t pay too well. Another thing about rain that is driving me insane. So I guess I will get a move on while this is up and running.

The bee sting was a bit of excitement around here. No visits to the doc or anything but I did feel very sorry for the recipient of the sting. She looked so pitiful!

She took the hit right above her eye. Try looking in to that swelling and not giving her absolutely everything she wants. And don’t think that she didn’t use it to her advantage. Damn brat. She really is worse than the kids.

Bella decided that she was going to run off when she got out of the pen, she ran right under the trailer behind us and promptly got herself wedged in under it. That’s right she was stuck. We couldn’t find her to begin with. The next morning as hubby darling was taking brat one and two out to the bathroom, he heard whining and tracked it down. Long story short the rescue took 4 hours. We had thought she had died under there, one of The Boy’s friends, bless his heart, got under the trailer and found her. We thought we had an idea where she was but couldn’t exactly pinpoint her location. He said he couldn’t see a spot where she could get her head out to escape, so we have no idea how she got under there. He was able to dig her out and she is safely behind the pen gate again. I can assure you that she is not exactly the happiest puppy in the world at this point, but she was grateful to be out in the open again. Not one person was able to get by without a lot of Bella love.

I hope everyone had a great Mother’s Day. Mine went fairly well. I got my MP3 player and took the opportunity to put my music on it and I have completely wore it out! I swear they do not like my musical taste anymore. Red and her hubby decided against the fish fry, considering they were expecting rain, so MIL did a BBQ dinner. Wonderful woman that she is, took the opportunity to call me and chew me out for not being over there. I was told that we could come over and visit, it was Mother’s Day, GAH. We shouldn’t run in and eat and leave. UH.,well, that had been the plan, foiled again. heh!

My oldest did call and saved me from a few minutes of torture. I had an excuse for not getting there right now. HA! I knew I loved him for some reason. heh! The Boy was fishing, I think, a good chunk of the day, but all in all I had a decent day. I managed to get to my mom’s and visit with her for a bit and I was left alone in the house some so that I could download my music and enjoy it in peace.

Rowdy is officially a full time outside dawg. He is sharing the pen with Bella at this moment, but he had gotten so stinky, we had to finally move him outdoors full time. I have one final picture of him inside, he stunk so bad that he preferred to smell a stinky shoe to his own smell. Heh!!!

As I said Hubby darling has been home. Rain makes it impossible for them to get in the woods and that means he has nothing to haul. Makes for a wonderful check. I don’t blame the boss, but I must blame someone for the disruption this has caused in the household! He has been completely bored and when he gets bored it really screws with my time. No blog, No Plurk, No reading my favs, No Facebook. No nothing! And then the Internet decided to pull its silly stunt. It is near impossible to get near the computer when he is at home. And when he is gone, well, I have tons to accomplish before he gets home. Dammit, I can’t get anything done.

He did manage to get The Boy’s room cleaned, carpet and all and we moved on to the living room, which has been nicely rearranged. We even manged to clean this carpet too. I have got to get in to Little Miss’ room, but so far, I can’t bring myself to get started.  I don’t know why, it really isn’t that bad, she has been doing better and hell we were just in there fixing her damn bed that broke. But for some unknown reason I look in there and say, “NAH, not today.”

Red and the ass signed on the dotted line and we are officially neighbors again. Well, across the street neighbors, but still, close enough. I don’t mind it except I fear the constant visits from the little hellions. Little Miss will see to it that they are forever here. I don’t think it will be too bad, if it is, you will hear it here and probably quite loudly. I f you show up to a complete post in all capital letters, where I am screaming about how awful things are, you know that it got bad. heh!!

I really need to go. Hubby darling finally got to go to work today and I must do a few things around here while I have the chance and I want to get this up before anything crashes. So until the next time the Internet agrees with me and allows me a chance to post…………

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITiNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am a sentimental fool

Mother’s Day is just around the corner and that got me to thinking. You know all the normal warm and fuzzies….baby smell (the good kind), sweetness, first smiles, first steps, giggles….you know that sweet stuff. I also thought of some of the not so warm and fuzzy….sleepless nights, crying, screaming, colic…the stuff to make you scream “No more kids!!!” Then I tried to remember my Mother’s Days…..I drew a blank. Yep, I am a sentimental fool. I remember all the gifts, still have the homemade (or school-made) gifts. The hand prints, the little paper tea pot with the tea bag, the paper-lace cards. Yep, have them all stowed safely away in my file cabinet. Each child has their own little folder with all of that in it. I remember the ones I couldn’t keep, kinda.

The rose bush Little Miss got me, I remember exactly where I put it…..before the dogs dug it up for me. The wooden swing they gave me a couple of years ago, look at it every day, can’t swing in it much….The wasp do so enjoy it. Yes, I remember the gifts. It is the actual days that I can’t remember. I know last year, Red and her husband, had a fish fry. Apparently this is now a yearly thing, they are doing it again this year. I know that every year my MIL pisses somebody off (Well, that is easy, she does that at every holiday). I know every year I ask for the same two things, well three things…..

1. peace.

2. quiet.

3. for everyone to just get along.

I could do without the last one. It would be nice to go one day without an argument in the house, but not necessary.

I know every year my MIL monopolizes the entire day, making it very hard for me to manage a couple of hours with my own mother. Let alone allow me a little time with just my kids. But those small memories I should have …. completely blank. I can’t even remember what year that I got which present…I am such a bad mom. I just know they are going to take my Mother of the Year award away. heh!

Again this year, when asked what I want for Mother’s Day, I asked for peace and quiet. I know it ain’t happening. I have an inability to ask for exactly what I want if it has anything to do with spending money. I can name 2 things I would truly love to get…. A camera, a good camera. Or one of those tee niney IPods. The one about the size of a half dollar. Yeah, because I need to lose weight and I figure I could get plenty of exercise just trying to find the damn thing. Because there is no way I could keep track of something that small.  But again this year I cringe at the thought of my family spending money on me. On themselves, no problem, but me….UGH, I just cringe.

AneeWay, I do really want that peace and quiet….Maybe just to sit and do nothing, worry about nothing, think about nothing. I would love to just sit in my rarely used swing and enjoy just sitting and watching the world go by. My children could sit close by and just be quiet. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Yeah that is going to happen.

OH, Gawd….I just realized I have to buy gifts too…….Well, CHIT! My mom isn’t so hard….flowers for her garden, something to put in her garden, a card even…..Easy Peasy. MIL, now she is a different story. No matter how many times she says don’t get her anything, she wants and she wants kinda big. I remember the year we all went in together and got her 2 rocking chairs for her front porch…almost 200 bucks combined (pissed me off….WAY more than I spent on MY mom or what was spent on me too.) She said she needed a few more (HUH??????) I guess she thought we would want to sit with her too….UM, NO. (Sorry that was ugly on my part)

I guess a card is in order….maybe even a sweet one….To a Wonderful Mother…..AH HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!! (Sorry ugly again) Isn’t actually showing up at the damn dinner enough. I am responsible for the dozen lemons they want, is that not enough? Damn I guess not…..Must go shopping…..Can I cancel Mother’s Day? OH, well, Hell!

I got off track again folks…. The little hamster that runs on that wheel in my head keeps falling off and dragging my mind with it. I think I shall go…..Look at ittle bitty IPods and cameras, maybe dream and drool a little… Then try to find something for the mothers……Until next time……….

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!