I just have to tell this story…..

I wasn’t told specifically that I couldn’t tell it. He said, ” I bet you will blog this, UH, keep your mouth shut. HA. HA. It is not funny.” To which I replied with, “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! This..HAHAHAHAHAHA is HAHAHAHAHA soooo HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA damn AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA funny AH HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!”

This was his next words exactly……”Don’t you say anything, they might not have noticed and (the boy’s friend who was not here, will now be known as the little shit) the little shit will never let me live this down.” I think I found a loop hole! Because you are not the little shit (I am calling him this because, well, he is here often enough that he needs a name here and because he thinks it is so funny that I call them the little shits considering they are all so much bigger than I am.). And none of you were here, so you couldn’t be considered in those who might not have noticed it. And because I have told the little shit and Hubby didn’t kill me. He just smiled, said haha, and called me an asshole. So I think I can get away with it.

But first you must know another story before you will understand why the real story is so damn funny to me….

A couple of weeks ago, hubby, The Boy and the little shit went to town to get a few things. They stopped at a store to get something to drink and cigarettes. The little shit saw something that he thought was both amazing and hilarious and he thought it would piss me off when he told it. He did not get the reaction he thought he would get. Aneeway, he came in telling the story, goes a little something like this……….

” We went in to the store and there was this blond in there and she was checking ‘hubby’ out! She was looking him up and down.”

“what did she look like?”

“I don’t know…she had huge *hands in front of his chest* and she was blond. But she was CHECKING HIM OUT!!!!! wherever he moved she kept her eyes on him! She damn near broke her fuckin..”

“LANGUAGE!”

“Sorry, Freakin neck to watch him. When he went outside and got out of her sight, she went out after him! She couldn’t quit looking at him…..at his, uh, back side. *shivers and giggles*”

“And honey, was she pretty?”

“I didn’t notice. *smiling with his chest all puffed out* She may have been a two bagger, I didn’t notice her…..He is lying!”

“Am not asshole!”

“No really I didn’t see her, but that is all he has talked about since we got in the car.”

“Ah honnnnney, did she think you were HOT or robbing the store?”

“Asshole, shut up. It’s not funny, quit laughing.”

I guess I was suppose to get all jealous or something. The little shit just muttered something about dammit and let it go. But he really thought it was funny and Hubby was all puffed up for days about the blond that was checking him out. I guess he felt young and hawt again. AH HAHAHAHAHAHA.

So the night of The Boy’s BIG party….Hubby kept making his unannounced rounds. He wasn’t drinking alcohol so he was sucking down tea and KoolAid. I had to make more tea and he drank all of the KoolAid, so his next cup he needed ice for and as luck would have it, we were out in the house and just in time for his next round, he remembered there was a cooler full of ice in the back yard, right where he was going. So him and his cup went outside. He made stops along the way to the cooler to talk to this person and that person. He finally made it to the cooler, sat his cup on the table (in front of all the party goers), got his ice and came in all puffed up and talking ninety to nothing about how all these young girls were smiling at him and the guys were looking at him funny.

“But really all these young girls are SMILING at me!”  He kept looking at himself and smiling and puffing out his chest like he was some kind of HAWTNESS!!!!! It was during one of these looks down that he realized why he was getting all these smiles from all these little young girls………. Wait for it…………..

He was carrying around one of Little Miss’ CINDERELLA cups! AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! He wasn’t quite so puffed up when he realized why they were staring at him and smiling!!!!!!!!!!!!

First words out of his mouth were, “You want to blog this, don’t ya?” OH, HELL YEAH!!! And I had to tell the little shit…..He deserved it, a week ago he got locked out of the truck (that he bought form hubby) and after hours of trying to break in, he finally broke the window. Sunday, he discovered the hid-a-key box under the lip of the truck bed, that hubby had put there, and forgot about. So I felt like he needed something to harass hubby about. 

SO now anytime I want to rile up hubby, all I have to do is ask him where his Cinderella cup is. He calls me an asshole and walks away. AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Just had to share……Until next time…………..

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!

#$^&#!!*%#!!!!!

Have I mentioned lately I HATE my Internet provider? I know that I have mentioned this before, but have I said it lately? I swear they have a note in a file somewhere that says to piss me off every month or so! It is not like it is very fast anyway. Much faster than dial-up,  my aching ass! If this is much faster than dial-up, it is a good thing I don’t have dial-up and a gun at the desk! I would be forced to shoot myself….OK not shoot myself, but I would no longer have a computer!

Remember when the nice lady got my Internet up and running again? She said she was going to give me faster Internet….She is a lying sack of shit! Not  only is it not faster….The damn thing keeps running away! And to the best of my knowledge they just reconnected the same slow ass shit as I had before! Here is the problem…..

I have Internet, works, just as “fast” as always. Suddenly the web page can’t be displayed and I look and sure enough….that damn red light is on! I reset the modem……Open a web page……set all necessary info……I have Internet….for between 5 minutes and 2 hours…….Then the web page can’t be displayed and we start all over again. Wash, rinse, repeat! I have been doing this for 2 and a half freaking days!!!!!

I call the assholes idiotspeople at my Internet provider……Brilliant people they are tell me to reset the modem. I tell them I have done that. They ask if that worked….I tell them yes…They ask me, get this, then why am I calling! Brilliant I am telling you!!!! I tell them it went out again. They say to reset the modem *slams head on desk*. I did….ggggrrrrrr!!!!! Did that work they ask. *spoken real slowly so that the assholes idiotsbrilliant minds understand* Yes but then it went out again. Then reset the modem, I am told. At this point my head exploded and I couldn’t be held responsible for the *ahem* brilliant terms that came rolling out of my mouth. I was told…..to call back when resetting the modem didn’t work. OH. HELL. THEY. DIDN’T. SAY. THAT!!!!! Oh, why, yes they did and hung up on me. The next brilliant mind I got a hold of, told me to go through all the steps the last one did…then told me while my Internet was up that any kind of test would just show that my Internet was working. GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course I must go through all those stupid steps before they will test anything! IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!

So I am spending my days on all fours with my ass in the air…threatening the silver box that is under my desk and alternating between stabbing the reset button and disconnecting the power supply to it. And despite what the little shit, who came into the house unannounced and found me threatening the life of the little silver box as I stabbed it, said it is not FUNNY AS HELL! Though me kicking his ass might be! Take my frustration out on his ass, now that might be funny as hell!

His ass should have been her last night as I was waiting for Little Miss to go to sleep and happened to look in on a blog that I love and often forget to go to….. Shauna Glenn ……don’t read her, well you should because she is HI. LAR. I. OUS!!!!!!!!!! I don’t know why I forget to go over there, I always laugh my ass off and have tears rolling! Aneeway….I was right in the middle of one of her post that I happened to miss (I swear I end up reading a couple of weeks worth of post in one sitting….I damn near wet myself, but it is so totally worth it!!!!) and it happened……No I didn’t wet myself….the freakin’ Internet ran away screaming! “This web page can not be displayed. Please check the address and try again”! I looked and sure enough that freakin’ red light was on!!!!!!!! If I had a gun…..no I want one of those automatics…..something with a lot of rounds!!!! Pull the trigger and blow shit to smithereens!!!!!!!!!! No cocking…. no stall…. just bang, bang, bang………

One of the young men that has been hanging out here had a weapon of choice….AR15? Something like that, I am really bad with gun names. 50 round drum, clip, basket, whatever the hell it takes. That is what I want! I have heard stories (that I wish I could share, but I just couldn’t tell them the way he does and they might get him in a wee bit of trouble if the wrong person saw them. He is/was a MISTER BILLY BAD ASS!!!! But sweet as can be as long as you are on his good side. And by damned I am staying on his good side.) and by damned that is what I NEED! I want it, ready to go, call the Internet provider and when they tell me to reset the damn modem…..just start blasting the damn thing and once my hearing and their hearing returns….tell then, uh, didn’t work this time. Must need to be replaced. Along with my wall, floor, desk, and underwear! Yeah, I like that idea!!!! Don’t think my hubby or children would approve, but by damned I would feel so much better!!!!

So if I happen to get this damn post wrote, spell checked, proofed (why, yes, I do that every time, couldn’t tell by the number of errors, misspelled words and grammar screw ups, but I actually run these wonderful post through two, count them TWO spell checks and TWO proof reads! Kinda scary to think what you would get if I didn’t, isn’t it?) and manage to get it posted, it will be by the grace of God himself. So until next time…………

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damyum….when did they grow up?

As you know, Friday, The Boy had a little party here. As expected bunches of people showed up. I looked around the little gathering and saw many faces that I remembered. Some I have never seen and some I have only recently met. And DAMYUM….They aren’t kids anymore! They are young adults. And some of them are very nice to look at. (Don’t start with me, I can appreciate looking at these young men and not be some perv…..Men do it all the freaking time!) Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t drooling. I wouldn’t even say that I looked at them in *that* way, good grief a good chunk of them I have known since they were 5 or 6 years old. Let’s just say that these 19-24 year old guys are…….well…….built.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with my husband’s body, I admire it daily. At 40, he has put on a little weight and he doesn’t have those rock hard abs, but I am happy with him. But some of these young man…..Let’s just say, they are proud of their bodies and I can’t say that I blame them. And cute…..I only have one question…..Why didn’t they have boys like that when I was dating? Built, cute and funny to boot! I can see why some women leave their husbands and become cougars! Not that I would ever consider doing that. *wink* And not just because The Boy would kill me and the young men wouldn’t have me. heh!

Damn got off subject……Aneeway, the point of this post was not that The Boy has some “drool worthy” friends. The point was……These kids have grown up. When? Several of them out here that night I used to watch play ball when they where tiny. I mean smaller than me! It’s hard to believe that they used to have to look up to talk to me, now I feel like a midget next to them! With the exception of one, who I decided to stand next to, because though he was taller than me, he was closer to my height, and I didn’t feel quite so short. OK he is a cutie too, but that was just a bonus….Another bonus…..I didn’t know him when he was little, so I don’t remember him as a small child. OK, I knew him when he was littler but only saw him a few times. Aneeway………

The “I have never saw before crowd” wasn’t that social with the “mom”. And to be quite honest not that cute. The “I have met recently” group, were more social with “mom”. They took to calling me mom real quick and entertained me to no end. Seems I have adopted a few more. And though one or two truly get on my nerves, a couple of them are dolls. (Quick question…..Why do the guys that get on my last nerve within 30 minutes of them coming around decide they must visit with me for an hour or more, but the ones who I truly like and entertain me, rarely stick around close to me for more than a few minutes? There is one exception, but he doesn’t count….I adopted him and even if he is a cutie…..EEEWWWWW! It would be like looking at one of my own kids! And why are they(the ones who quickly get on my nerves) in here talking to me when The Boy is outside? I get a quick visit if The Boy isn’t here, no need to be rude, but didn’t they come to see him, why are they with me?)

The “I have known them all their life” group, well, they took a bit longer to warm up. I think maybe it was they still saw me as “the mom” and felt uncomfortable letting loose in front of me. Like I would tell on them. heh! Once they decided that I saw them as adults, they came out of their shells. And they were every bit as entertaining as they were when they were kids. Maybe more. Definitely more entertaining. These kids are funny as hell!

This may surprise you, but I have a few hard rules here. OK, not a few but I do have rules for the young people that come over here on a regular basis. They have to watch their mouths. “GD” and Fuck (in any of its variations) are off limits. (It is mainly for the sake of Little Miss’ ears) I will let them slide until I get to know them a little, a couple of weeks of regular visits, then when one of the off limits words fly, I look at them and say, “LANGUAGE!” They know and they always apologize. I hear a lot of “OOPS! SORRY!”. After awhile, they really start watching it and they will inform others of the rule before I have to. It really is funny.

Friday, there was many here that I don’t know well enough to get on to. My “boys” took it upon themselves to inform the others of the words that are off limits. I really was letting it all slide that night considering there was alcohol involved and I know my mouth gets worse when I drink. But not my boys, they let everyone know what was off limits around “Mom”. (Of course my actual boy was spouting the off limit F word often.Only correcting after the word was out.) There is nothing funnier than watching and listening to a bunch of drinking young men who have never had to watch their mouths before stammer and stutter and try to turn the “F” in to any other word that would possibly fit. Or seeing the look on their face when it slipped and they spotted me close by. I swear I got more hugs and “I am sorry mom”s, than I have ever gotten in my life.

They even took to watching other words and phrases they thought might offend me. One spouted off with a very vulgar sentence and I almost died laughing at the expression on his face when he turned around and I was standing behind him! This guy is in the military and he had his mouth covered and was apologizing like he had kicked my cat within seconds of it coming out of his mouth. He is one of the “new” guys. I heard of him when he was young, but he just started hanging out here. Well, he just got back, so it would have been hard for him to hang out here before. He leaves out again in a few days, I am going to miss him.

Now there is another one, a recent addition to our happy little family, he has been heard about for years and he has visited before. I knew of him when he was a kid, but really didn’t see him. I am comfortable enough around him to call him down on his language, but I just can’t seem to. He is too damn funny and the words just fit in his stories. And really he doesn’t use them that often. I have noticed that he is censoring himself some now. Always a “Pardon my French” follows a slip. Of course he sit and watched me damn near beat the hell out of a boy for “slipping” Friday night. (He is one of “mine”, I took him on to raise. I would slap his shoulder every time he flew off with a forbidden word. I would get a ” Sorry! I didn’t mean to say ‘F’” of course that got him another slap and I was beginning to think he was enjoying it. When I spoke my theory before thinking, I swear a few kids almost hit the ground. Guess mom shouldn’t know of such fetishes. Mom knows more than they think I do. heh!

I guess they made me feel old. Not in how they treated me, but more that these kids aren’t kids anymore. There were a few I would have loved to show up here Friday, I haven’t seen them in so long. But I am glad I got to see the ones who showed up here that I hadn’t seen in years. One of them kept bending his knees to get to my height, until his knees would hurt anyway. He kept telling me how fast I was growing. heh! (Drunk little shit) Before he left, he said he was going to get me stilettos before the next time, so I wouldn’t feel so short. I think I will take him up on that offer. Momma might have other uses for them. heh! (And they think they know me…. sweet, little momma. I might would surprise them. I doubt it though. heh!) Until next time……..

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!

No fights and nobody went to jail

So the party went well. No major problems. I did get rather bored. Hubby kept making unannounced rounds to check on everything and he would disappear for half an hour or so. I played on the computer some but otherwise, I was bored. I did find out he was visiting with the guest he knew. I swear he came up missing one time for an hour and I thought they had whooped his ass and through him in a ditch. heh! 

The unofficial tally of guest is between 30 and 100. Hard to count when a car would leave and 2 would pull up and 2 would leave and 1 would pull up. Sometimes it was people coming back other times it was new people. They started showing up around 7:00 and it was steady after that. We moved them from the shop to the back yard. Turned out very nice, more room and easier to watch. Hubby rigged up a light for the area and they pulled a car down for tunes. Everyone was getting along and having a fair good time…..

About 2am, a young man who followed someone else over here (The one he followed left and he stuck around.), started up harassing people and he was asked to leave. Hubby asked him if he had a ride or if he needed one, he said he had a ride, so hubby asked him to go now. He said OK and then just moved areas and stood there. He was asked to leave again, a little less nice. He managed to make it out to the car, where him and his buddy just sat. Hubby went out to move them along and about that time someone from the back came around front and the guy got out of his car and there were words exchanged. The Boy informed them there wouldn’t be anything started in his yard and the young man was going to start up with The Boy, but hubby got between them and well……Put our drinking son on the ground and apparently shoved the other young man and put him on the ground via his neck. ( I might want to mention the young man is almost 30! Too old to be at this party anyway.) There was a few other things that happened, but no punches were thrown and the young man got in his truck and left.

It quieted down after that and the party moved around front since a good chunk of kids left after the incident and when the police turned around in the driveway. They didn’t pull up, they just turned around and one kid hit the woods! He is in no way a wanted person, he just doesn’t like the police. The one young man I would have expected to hit the woods stood his ground. (Of course he served his time and is on parole and was not drinking or involved in the recent exchange, so he was OK. I must say, I love this kid, he is a character! I am glad he is now visiting every weekend. He is only a year older than The Boy, but I love listening to him tell about the shit he has done. He was a little Hellion and I would bet BIG bucks he still could be. As bad as I hate to say it…..I would trust him with my house and my kids. I would bet The Boy would get in less trouble with him around than anyone else.)

All but six of the kids had left by 3:30, well, 2 left and went to eat and one of those came back for his car at 4am. Of the 6 that stayed all but 2 were asleep by 5am. That is when hubby turned off their light and we went to bed, after getting keys. You would have thought I would have slept all day. I was exhausted when I hit the pillow, but my eyes opened at 8:45 and I couldn’t go back to sleep!!!!!!!! Believe it or not I felt OK, I guess I am getting used to functioning without sleep. The Boy was up by 10:30, of course he crashed in the chair in the living room at 2:30. After him and a few of his friends raided the refrigerator. Ate the damn roast I was going to have for supper Saturday night!!!!

The last of the party attenders left by 11:30am. We stayed outside most of the day, a few of the kids from the night before came back over and we just sat around. Hubby finally gave it up and came in around 10:30 and went to bed. Little Miss had came home from Easy E’s around 4:30 and was wired up. After dealing with her, I finally crawled into bed at 3am!!!!!!!!!! I was one tired ass! I took my shower and was heading to bed at 10:30, but she had other ideas. For some unknown reason she had it in her head that I was going to die…..I hadn’t had enough sleep to deal with that shit.

I got up at 9:30 Sunday morning and that was the laziest day. The Boy and a couple of  friends went to the river and me and hubby more or less sat in the house and laid all day. We were so lazy! I guess I would allow another party, this one went pretty well. There were enough sober people to keep the ones that were drinking fairly well in line and the ones that were drinking, weren’t loud or in a fighting mood. And only 2 people who were drinking was going to drive home and all hubby had to do was tell them they weren’t driving and they nicely gave up their keys and got a ride with someone else.

So that was my weekend, how was yours? My Internet is so screwy! I get on the Internet, then lose the Internet, reset the modem and get Internet, then lose Internet! Wash, rinse, repeat! I swear if this doesn’t stop soon, I am going to explode! So I guess I will go for now. Until next time………….

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!

20

Well….that is 20. After a hard day in the field…..drinking and getting into a fight (and hiding the black eye)……..OK, so that was 19 and a few weeks ago. ( I can’t help but sing…..”I wear my sunglasses at night…..”)

Damn 20! My baby boy. (my oldest is 23….but my baby boy…..damn) What can I say about The Boy? He has been a pleasure. He has been a handful. He has given me most of my grey hair. He has caused many ball filled days and sleepless nights. He is one of my pride and joys. Even with the trouble he has found himself in.

I will not embarrass him so I will just say HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BABY BOY!!!!!!!

Until next time……….

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!

Where does the time go?

Tomorrow my baby boy will be 20!!!! TWENTY YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When did that happen? I know somehow over the last 20 years. It seems like yesterday I was sending him ( kicking and screaming) out the front door to his first day of kindergarten. And today I sent him out the door (not kicking and screaming) to an interview for an actual job! It is a new sporting goods store, opens the first part of next month. Hopefully he will be gainfully employed within the next week. Wouldn’t that be a great way to start out his new decade.

Today is his first interview, if all goes well, he will go for his second interview, probably tomorrow and if that goes well, the third interview is when you get hired. Seems like a lot to go through just to sell rod and reels and basketballs. heh! Once you get hired, I hear there is a two week training period. Damn there must be more to it than just selling sporting goods shit.

There has been talk of a get together here for his birthday. Not a family get together. A scary, there will be alcohol, “children”, music and loudness type of thing. If all goes well, no one will fight and the cops won’t show up. It has been decided all guest will turn over their keys when they show up, if they are sober, when they want to leave, they can have them back, if not….they be sleeping wherever they can find a place. I want to have a say in whether people can stay or if they have to leave, I doubt I get that one. Some of these “kids” just can’t play well with others and they want to fight. I don’t need a fight in my front yard.

Of course the party may end up elsewhere. We are leery of having it here. I would prefer knowing where all of them are, that they were safe and that all is going well. But my MIL is right there beside the shop and she is a bit nosy and I would hate for her to wonder out there, or worse yet, call the cops on the group. And we have a very nosy neighbor and she seems to be hellbent on getting us in trouble in some way. (I swear she sits on her back porch with binoculars and watches what we are doing.)

Aneeway, one way or the other, one place or the other I guess there is going to be a party for The Boy’s birthday. Little Miss will be gone to Easy E’s to spend the night, so I won’t have to worry about her. I will have to worry about my worry wart of a husband, whether the party is here or elsewhere, his mind will be at the party. He is the one who suggested it and now he is the one who wants to put a stop to it. I can bet he wants to lay that blame squarely on my shoulders. Well, I must go. I should be here tomorrow with a birthday post for The Boy……Ah, wonder if I go with his trouble or how delightful he is…………..Until next time……….

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve got nothing

So I thought I would give you a few pictures and leave it at that. I love Maxine!

I have a few people this would apply to at this moment!

I guess I haven’t hit that age yet…..They often still get on my nerves!

I have hit this age dammit!!!!! A piece of advice to men out there……If your wife is laying in bed and pouring sweat, I don’t care how cold you are……. Offer to turn on the damn A/C because you are “roasting”. Do not and I repeat DO NOT ask what the fuck is wrong with you!!!!!

 

I shall remember this one when The Boy comes in with some half baked excuse!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Until next time…………….

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not that kind of person

I am not Donna Reid, Martha Stewart, Carol Brady, the Beav’s mom, hell  I’m not even Peg Bundy. Little Miss has company over and that had me to thinking last night. I am not that kind of mom. I don’t mind company. I don’t mind kids spending the night. I just don’t want to be responsible for them or their happiness.

The girl is sweet, kinda bashful, not in a I am shy way, more of a what the hell kind of mom are you way. I am a good mom, for the most part. But I am not the mom who bakes cookies and has heartfelt “do you always feel “fresh” chats with my children. (How many remember those commercials?) I am more the fling a bag of cookies at the kids and tell them, “Somebody made them” kinda mom. And most heartfelt conversations end with….What the hell were you thinking.

I would love to be that kinda mom. Hell that kinda person. I used to be a party animal. Spuds McKenzie was my best friend. Point me to the party with the alcohol and people and I was there. OK, most of the time it was our house, so I had no choice but to be there, but that is really besides the point.

But as I have gotten older (Yes, I am decaying as I type this.) I have become a homebody. I prefer to be at home. And my OCD tendencies turn me into a nervous ninny at the thought of people coming to my home. (Good Lord, what if I have dust, a cobweb, the cat uses the litter box after I clean it, the cat pukes in the kitchen, there is dog hair in the living room, the kids don’t flush the toilet. The list goes on and on. My inner perfectionist comes screaming out of the corner!)

Kids can stay here, that doesn’t bother me, but I want them to tend to themselves. (Puked in the floor? Get your drunk ass up and clean it up big boy. Want something to eat? You know where the kitchen is, get it. Want a drink? Your legs broke? get it yourself.) I don’t want to be responsible for entertaining them. (They can pick their own movie, I don’t want to do that. What if I get a comedy and they hate comedies.  What if the movie sucks? Music? Oh good Lord, don’t get me started on how many different types of music there is. I don’t need that kind of pressure.)

Last night I fixed hot dogs. The girls came in looking for supper. I, from the couch (I am injured you know.), said the hot dogs are on the stove, kraut and chili are there too, buns on the counter, ketchup and stuff in the fridge. Chips on the counter, drinks in the fridge. Throw away plates from the party are over there, somewhere, you can use. They looked at me like I sprouted feathers and shit on the couch. The child asked me for juice….I looked at her like she was speaking French.  Something healthy in this house, you must be kidding. Everything I have is loaded with sugar and caffeine.

I am not the hostess with the mostest. I wish I was. I am not a bad mom or a bad hostess. I am just not the greatest one. I feed them, I will tend to boo boos, I will let them do fun things. (Just don’t ask Little Miss. Because she will tell you I am the worst, I won’ let them do anything.  She turns in to a demon when she has company over, a spoiled demon child. She thinks I should let them do whatever they want to do…… Mom can we jump off the house? We will use umbrellas to slow us down. Can we ride our bikes up a tree? Can we sleep in the pool? You never let me do anything fun! I hate you! You ruin everything!  What is different from a normal day? Nothing. I always ruin everything, just ask her.)

 I try, really I do. But I am not the kind of mom who finds fun things to do when company is over. I don’t think of those things until it is over. Tie dye a shirt. Damn we have the freakin kit! No that takes to long. (soak the shirt for 24 hours in a solution, air dry, cram it in the tube, dye, air dry, rinse in cold water, air dry, hand wash in cold water, air dry. One freakin shirt takes about 4 days to make! I know it was easier in the 70s or no one would have had the damn shirts!) Make cookies, really? Put the dough together? Don’t they sell that stuff in a tube? Homemade pizzas? It is just easier to order one. Less fuss and muss.

I don’t know. It is easier with The Boy’s friends. I don’t have to entertain them and they are self sufficient. Maybe my inner Donna Reid will show up when I am a real grandma. So far it isn’t showing up with my adopted grands. You know I have 2, almost 3, in about 8 months it will be 4. When my kids were born, my grandmas went wild…..I got several quilts and afghans, homemade of course. I can quilt, I could make an afghan ( I have the machine to do it!) Hell I can even cross stitch (got me a few of those with the kids too).  But I just can’t seem to get off my butt and do it. I want to, I have the desire, I have the mad skills, I just don’t take the time to do it! I suck.

So if you find my inner Donna Reid, Beav’s mom, Lassie’s mom (Well, the kid’s mom on Lassie. Not actually Lassie’s mom, because Lassie was the damn dog and I think I am better than Lassie’s mom.), Carol Brady (or hell, Alice, because she was the one who did all the shit) please point her in the right direction. Send her to me, I might send out a reward (I doubt it, but you never know.) Hey and while your at it, if you find Spuds….Tell him I miss him!!!! Until next time………..

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!

Freakin Fracken WTF

I thought this weekend was going to be a good one! I mean on Thursday night I found a NEW LOVE!!!! I cuddled with him for over 2 hours and he was so sweet, he smelled so wonderful, and Hubby didn’t even mind it! And he wasn’t furry to boot! The Boy’s friend brought his new baby over and I absolutely fell in love! He is the cutest little thing. So I thought the weekend was starting out pretty good.

Friday, Hubby was off of work, because of rain, then he went to the shop and worked, so I thought, the weekend was going fairly well. He was home in the morning, we ran a few errands and then he left. Little Miss didn’t go to Grandma’s but she was in a fair decent mood so….. We went to Hel-Mart and picked up a few things we had to have. We went to the grocery store and picked up a few things so we had actual food in the house to eat and we went to Arby’s to eat supper. Shaping up to be a good weekend.

Saturday, hubby, The Boy, Little Miss and FIL went to a car show and I had the house to myself. I had such ambition. I got the house straightened up, just in case somebody showed up on our doorstep. I cleaned the inside of my car. I picked up cans and garbage in the immediate front yard, damn slovenly kids! And I got on the computer and found all sorts of free stuff to have sent to my front door. I downloaded coupons to my Kroger card (No more forgetting to bring them with me!) I read a few blogs that I haven’t been able to since Little Miss discovered the wonderful world of Face Book.

I talked to my mom on the phone and caught up on all the family gossip. I even sat for an hour with my MIL and talked to her. I didn’t roll my eyes or get sarcastic once! Even though she would have deserved it. Life is good! I even had a bottle of wine that night after supper. I played around on the computer with Little Miss, I watched her play Guitar Hero, I drank my wine. I visited with Hubby when he came in. I am telling you LIFE IS GOOD!!!!!

I got up on Sunday….The sun was shining, the bird’s were chirping, even the dogs were behaving! I got up with ambition. I planned on piddling around at the (in progress) pond, figure out the shape I wanted, dig around it to mark the shape I wanted.  Hack up the roots that are still poking up here and there in the front yard. Weed eat around my flower gardens. Pick up in front of the shop (again). And weed my flower gardens. AMBITION, I am telling you.

I helped hubby tint his windows. I looked at my pond, almost decided on the shape. I weeded one side of my flower garden. Then I started on the other side. That is when the fly flew into the freakin honey! Somehow……I squatted down to pull 2 weeds, those two weeds turned into 20 weeds. I was pulling up about the 15th weed and it freakin happened!!!!!!!!! I lost my balance. My upper body went to the left (trying to not fall into the brick wall), my thigh went right, my foot went left and from my knee to my ankle stayed straight. My shin did hit the damn brick wall, scratched the hell out of my leg. But the big news is……Your freaking leg shouldn’t go into so many different directions! Because when it does, there is much snapping, cracking, popping and crunching! And I should mention MUCHO PAIN!!!!!! And I should also mention…..Gripy children and Husband. (Lord, knows they fear having to tend to themselves and maybe having to do something for you!)

Nothing broke. I don’t think, nothing poking out of the skin at odd angles anyway. Minimal swelling ( I never really swell visibly anyway, the skin just gets all tight). Minimal bruising (touch me, I bruise like I have been beat with a baseball bat, run in to a door knob hard enough to break a rib and be unable to breath, no bruising.) Pain….A LOT!!!!! Tingling……from my hip to my toes! Putting weight on it…………AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I can but please don’t make me! It makes me feel like I am fixing to hurl! And for some reason that leg is a lot colder than the other leg. Cold to the touch. Pain meds……don’t touch it! Of course I haven’t got any pain meds worth taking.

But I cooked supper! no sympathy from my crew. They got steaks on the George Foreman (had to stand over those), potato wedges (had to stand up, cut them babies up, and watch them like a hawk to keep from burning them up), cut up veggies (cucumbers and tomatoes. Yes had to stand up to peel and cut those up too.) And guess who got to clean up the damn kitchen….. Yep, that would be me! Ended up with 2 painful blisters from cleaning up that damn George Foreman grill!!!!! I was beginning to think I should crawl in a hole before I got struck by lightening!!!!!

I must confess though…..Hubby made me go to bed when he did, so he could help me get there. I actually left Little Miss up by herself. She didn’t like it one bit. She watched movies. I got in the bed at…….TADA……10pm!!!!!!!!! Of course I was still awake at 12:30. Even though Hubby claimed it was cool in here last night, I roasted!!!!! My leg was on fire and I was sweating like a PIG!!!!! I soaked my pillow I sweated so much! And my leg was hurting like  a Mother and I couldn’t get comfortable. I tried to turn the A/C on at midnight and even after cutting it down like 10 degrees the damn thing wouldn’t turn on. Little Miss was on the couch watching a movie and looking very upset that she was up all by herself, but she survived.

I got up this morning, hoping like hell I would be better. Guess what…..I hurt worse now than last night! Freaking GREAT! And Little Miss has company coming tonight. How wonderful!!!!! I am considering…..pain meds (no matter how much they don’t help), a muscle relaxer and a bottle of wine. I think I could be dancing in no time. heh! I guess I should have went somewhere, but I didn’t. I am fairly sure nothing is broke, so it really wouldn’t have did a lot of good. I had a set of crutches that would have come in handy, but I loaned them to a friend and they got burned up in a house fire! Hubby suggested I use his….AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! They are for a 6 foot tall man, don’t think they will adjust down to fit a 5 foot tall woman!

When I got the ones I had….They came in with a set for an adult, took one look at me and went back and got a set for a child. Don’t laugh! I can’t help it, I am short! Well I guess I should go, Daisy is much in need of going out and I am going to have to take her out whether I feel like it or not, Damn dogs! So until next time………….

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!

Just babysitting

Dearest hubby came home with something yesterday. It was furry and cute. It was NOT staying here. Little Miss said it was, I said it wasn’t. She went to Grandma’s to spend the night and I WON!

Seems they found 4 of them in a tree, 3 were already dead and then this one. The tree had been cut and the momma was long gone. In fact the tree was already on the truck when they were discovered. How anyone missed this loud mouth little shit I will never  know. Hubby brought it home because (pay attention, this gets confusing) The Boy’s friend’s fiance’s (yes after 6 years, they are finally engaged! WOOT!) mother works for a vet and is licensed to take on wild animals and she told The Boy’s friend anytime they found an animal, she would take it.

Hubby wasn’t going to mention it to Little Miss because the future vet in her wouldn’t allow her not to want to keep it. Only she wouldn’t be the one to tend to it. You know where the responsibility of that would land. Right squarely in my lap. But when he walked up on the porch with a box that was making a lot of noise, one of the Little Hellions asked what he had. Like an idiot he told him! Of course he went straight to the other hellion who promptly made a mad dash over here to see it. And of course Little Miss was right there when he said Hellion #2 told me what you have. And then it was all over but the ohhhs and ahhhs.

Needless to say she wanted to keep it. I would have liked to have kept it, but……. Oh, hell NO! Not another thing to tend to, another mouth to feed, another loud mouthed little shit! OH. HELL. NO! So I babysat until The Boy’s friend came over. Thank God, he actually showed up when I wanted him to. He had NO clue it was here waiting for him, so I couldn’t have blamed him if he didn’t show up, but don’t think that I wouldn’t have tried to.

Little Miss will pout when she finds out it is no longer here, but she will get over it. I got to sleep without having to get up every couple of hours to feed it and that makes me happy. Wanna know what I babysat?

That my darlings, if you don’t know, is a very tiny baby raccoon. His eyes and ears aren’t even open. I would say less than a week old. He was very active, very hungry, and very LOUD!!!!!!! Cute as he is….I am glad that he has a home. Now if they find another baby deer…… I may have to keep it. I have always loved Bambies. Until next time………..

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!